I've declared October "Parent Appreciation" month. Many know their story but I think it's pretty impressive so here's a quick bit...Mom was 33, Rusty, 21 when they married. Mom had a "tween" boy & 5 yr old girl when they married. I think I was ready to be married at 21, but not sure I'd have been ready to be an instant parent to 2 kids. Did they have issues and problems? Yes. Did they have a tough road ahead? Yes. Did they love each other? Absolutely. Did Rusty adopt both of us and raise as his own kids? Yes. He worked 2, 3 and at times 4 jobs to make sure we didn't do without what we needed. We didn't have everything we wanted, but we had clothes, food, warm beds and parents that loved us. Did I miss my biological dad? Yes. Did I always wonder why he gave up his parental rights? Absolutely! Did I always have questions for him? Yep. Did I reunite with him before his passed away? Yes I did and am so very grateful I did. He didn't pass away in October but I'll share stuff about him too, because without him...well, my brother and I wouldn't be here...I loved so much that I reconnected with him. More later about that.
This week I've been thinking about my mom and so many of the recipes I so badly wish I'd written down. Had I done that though, I'm sure no recipe I copied would taste just like hers. She cooked with a pinch, handful and dash of everything. I'd sit on the chair at the end of kitchen counter, watching her cook as she asked about my day or sang to or with me and would wonder how she knew how much to use. Fast forward 30 or so years and I find myself cooking just like she did. I love that! My kids, however hate it because they can't make their favorites "just like mom" either. The recipes I've so wanted were my mom's apple dumplings, ham loaf, stuffed peppers. I hated the pepper but loved the "stuff". I've looked for anything like any of them on several websites and have yet to find anything similar. My efforts to duplicate haven't been so successful yet...BUT I will not give up! The search and creations continue!
My two oldest children got to meet my mom. Kara remembers a few things about her, Courtney remembers stories we've told that involve her and the other four kiddos have only seen pictures and heard stories. All of my kids got to meet my Dad, Rusty. All but the youngest remember him and have their own stories about him. When I hear those stories from them, it's like a little flame warms my heart. I so wish all of my kids got to know my mom too. She had her troubles but she had such a good heart and so badly wanted her family to know how much she loved them. When our oldest son was born, 9 months after my mom passed away, Jim looked at our son's little scrunched face and got the sweetest smile. He holds him out for me to take him and says, "Look Tiff! He has one dimple just like your mom. It's like she kissed him on the cheek before he left Heaven." Our second son (and youngest baby) has one dimple too. I love seeing their dimples and even though the boys didn't get to meet my mom, they have a piece of her with them all the time. The girls all have my moms eye shape and Jim's eye color. I love genetics and how so much of our DNA is carried from generation to generation. At times, I've looked at my babies faces and catch a glimpse of my mom in them.
My parents passed away one day shy of a full decade apart, in October. So, I could be sad when I think of the heartbreak this month brought 10 years apart OR I could think of them, miss them and think of all the good they brought in my life, the things they taught, they way they loved, the laughter they shared and the love for learning they both had and instilled in me. I hope I've passed that onto their grandchildren. Yes...I miss them. Yes, there are times I just want a hug only my mom can give. Yes, I'd love to hear a dumb joke dad would tell. But for now, I'll hold my memories close to my heart and remember all the good and happiness they added to my life.
Happy Autumn (my favorite time of year), Happy October and Happy Parents' Appreciation month. Make this a good month filled with laughter and joy in your life.
Thursday, October 2, 2014
Tuesday, August 26, 2014
End of summer. End of a book series
When I turn the last page of a good book, I find myself turning it more slowly so I can savor the last few words of the story. Today I as I closed the back cover to a five book series I've been reading all summer, I quietly sat and savored the moment in my quiet house. This series moved and inspired me in ways books don't often do.
It was the Walk Series by Richard Paul Evans. I think I've read only one other book of his years and years ago. I don't usually read series books because I find myself getting stuck in a rut if I consecutively read too many books by the same author. Though, I'm glad I stuck with this series. It has so many inspiring quotes and cool things about our country...truly loved the books. And they're quick reads too. Five books in 12 busy weeks...not too shabby.
The series is about a man named, Alan Christofferson, who decides to walk across the country. (I'm not a spoiler, so I'll be vague) At the beginning of the book, Alan Christofferson has some rough things happen and he walks away from Seattle which holds memories, crisis, fear, etc. He decides his goal is to walk to Key West, Florida. On his walk he meets many people that show up in his life for reasons he doesn't know or understand. Is it for him or them? As he walks across our beautiful country he encounters animals, situations and see things that can scare the bravest people. I did research about the author and what if he did anything to prepare for this book. While he didn't walk the country, he did drive it and saw the many things the main character sees during his walk.
This series made me think about my life and the people that have been in it for short times, just passing through or have been there for years and years. Made me think of all the times as a young mom that I was struggling getting through the day at the drs, grocery shopping, bed times, homework help while I had other little ones tugging at my arms or crying for attention and someone noticed and offered a hand, entertained my kiddos while I check out at the store or just gave a knowing, supportive smile. Made me think of the times I've seen my sweet husband and children help older ladies with their groceries, push stuck cars out of snowy ditches, hold doors open for people and all the emails from teachers telling me something kind my kids did at school. It made me grateful that we do and have taught our kids to walk through life with our heads up and aware of others around us.
In the book, people ask the main character how are you doing this? Why so far? One of his answers was "I do it one step at a time." We are all on this walk and the journey may be difficult at times and other times it will go by faster than we thought it would. My take from the series was we all have the opportunity to be on this journey and to do good on our way and to graciously accept the help we're offered during our tough walks. In accepting the help, we may be helping the giver in ways we will never know.
I love books that make me think, that I learn something from, or inspire me to be better or do more. I'm not saying I always read deep, search for life's meaning type of books. I think there's something to learn from anything we read. We need to read what makes us happy and helps our journey be the best it can be.
I'm off to see what book needs opened next. Happy Reading! Oh and pictures and craft ideas will be coming with my next blog post in a day or 2. :) These new ideas really do make me happy!! I'm excited to share them with you.
It was the Walk Series by Richard Paul Evans. I think I've read only one other book of his years and years ago. I don't usually read series books because I find myself getting stuck in a rut if I consecutively read too many books by the same author. Though, I'm glad I stuck with this series. It has so many inspiring quotes and cool things about our country...truly loved the books. And they're quick reads too. Five books in 12 busy weeks...not too shabby.
The series is about a man named, Alan Christofferson, who decides to walk across the country. (I'm not a spoiler, so I'll be vague) At the beginning of the book, Alan Christofferson has some rough things happen and he walks away from Seattle which holds memories, crisis, fear, etc. He decides his goal is to walk to Key West, Florida. On his walk he meets many people that show up in his life for reasons he doesn't know or understand. Is it for him or them? As he walks across our beautiful country he encounters animals, situations and see things that can scare the bravest people. I did research about the author and what if he did anything to prepare for this book. While he didn't walk the country, he did drive it and saw the many things the main character sees during his walk.
This series made me think about my life and the people that have been in it for short times, just passing through or have been there for years and years. Made me think of all the times as a young mom that I was struggling getting through the day at the drs, grocery shopping, bed times, homework help while I had other little ones tugging at my arms or crying for attention and someone noticed and offered a hand, entertained my kiddos while I check out at the store or just gave a knowing, supportive smile. Made me think of the times I've seen my sweet husband and children help older ladies with their groceries, push stuck cars out of snowy ditches, hold doors open for people and all the emails from teachers telling me something kind my kids did at school. It made me grateful that we do and have taught our kids to walk through life with our heads up and aware of others around us.
In the book, people ask the main character how are you doing this? Why so far? One of his answers was "I do it one step at a time." We are all on this walk and the journey may be difficult at times and other times it will go by faster than we thought it would. My take from the series was we all have the opportunity to be on this journey and to do good on our way and to graciously accept the help we're offered during our tough walks. In accepting the help, we may be helping the giver in ways we will never know.
I love books that make me think, that I learn something from, or inspire me to be better or do more. I'm not saying I always read deep, search for life's meaning type of books. I think there's something to learn from anything we read. We need to read what makes us happy and helps our journey be the best it can be.
I'm off to see what book needs opened next. Happy Reading! Oh and pictures and craft ideas will be coming with my next blog post in a day or 2. :) These new ideas really do make me happy!! I'm excited to share them with you.
Friday, July 11, 2014
Tiffany DID have an epiphany!
I am an easily distracted person and it has happened with my blog too. I lost focus of what my original idea and goal was for my blog. My goal was to share ideas that have helped me survive being a mom to a bunch of kids and hopefully help or inspire someone along the way. My kids told me I need more pictures and to show more of our fun ideas. So, I will honor their requests as I share our summer fun and my path to "self re-discovery".
I also started the T25 workout today with the kids. I need to be a better example of being active and taking good care of the body God gave me. After we did the workout this afternoon, I was famished and realized I hadn't eaten anything yet today. With the T25 dvd set came a little nutrition booklet with healthy, appropriate sized recipes. As I was reading through this I found several that sounded quite yummy. I mentioned a few out loud, the kids even got excited about them. Natalie, my 13 yr old, said, "mom you go get in the shower and I'll make the Chicken Waldorf salad for you." She did and it was delicious!! I love the traditional Waldorf salad that has mayonnaise and whipped cream but this one is just as good and so much healthier! Below is the recipe. It was so filling and satisfying I wasn't the least bit hungry for several hours.
family picture taken November 2013
I think there's always room for improvement in every area of our lives. In this "season of self RE discovery" I have recommitted to being a better full time mom to my sweet kiddos and a better wife. This was on my mind while I was grocery shopping this week and I had an epiphany of sorts while in the freezer section at Kroger.
As I was making my grocery list this week I'd asked the kids what they wanted for lunches. They're suggestions included some frozen tv dinner type meals, spaghettios and fruit salads. As I was loading my cart with these simple, cheap frozen entrees I looked at the ones I had chosen to buy and (here's my epiphany) I thought I can make ALL of this at home. It's healthier, still inexpensive, and it can be another opportunity for me to teach them how to cook. So, I tossed them back in the freezer. I will be swapping quick frozen entrees with extra sugar and preservatives for fettucini noodles with milk, butter, flour, spices and Parmesan cheese to make creamy garlic parmessan cheese sauce and will add broccoli or spinach for an added veggie punch. I will be making fresh vegetable snacks with the use of one of my favorite veggie websites VeggieVenture This site has some of my favorite dishes ever! The kids wanted to order pizza and...you got it! we are making fresh homemade pizza instead. It takes a bit of time to prep meals like this but it's still not more than 30 minutes. I can handle that!
Chicken Waldorf Salad
(this makes one serving)
5 oz cooked, cubed chicken breast
1/4 medium Granny Smith apple, thinly sliced (I prefer bite sized pieces)
1 TBS chopped raw walnuts
1/4 C red grapes, halved
1 TBS citrus vinaigrette
Citrus Vinaigrette
(this makes several servings and so very delicious!)
3 TBS fresh orange juice
2 TBS fresh lemon juice
1/2 tsp raw honey
2 tsp dijon mustard (or to taste, I prefer less mustard)
3 TBS Extra Virgin Olive Oil (EVOO)
In medium bowl combine juices, add honey, whisk together. Add mustard, mix well. Store remainder in fridge for a week.
Getting my blood pumping with my kids and providing healthy meals makes me happy. The fact that my 13 year old knows how to read and follow a recipe and that the other kids are developing good habits makes me even happier! Find what makes you happy and enjoy every minute!
Friday, July 4, 2014
What's your passion?
A few things have made me think about where I am with my life, my goals...my "passion." My brother and I talked recently and caught up with each others' lives from the past few months since we've seen each other. My brother is doing what he loves and always wanted to do. It's come after years or hard work, trial and error and finally having the time to do it. Our conversation was scattered, as it often is, we start chatting and then something reminds one of us something else and so it goes. The topic that has stayed with me is what are our passions and how we hope that our kids get how important it is to follow our hearts and do what we really want to do. And most importantly to be brave and put yourself out there.
One of the passages in the book I'm reading has stayed with me for a few days. "Whether cautionary or exemplary, there has not yet been a life lived that we cannot learn from. It is up to us to decide which ours will be." After being a stay at home mom for nearly 21 years, I'm now in a new season where I have a bit of time to find my "passion" and to decide again what kind of life I want to lead. This sounds funny coming from a mom of six kids who's in her early 40's but just as the year goes on with new seasons, so does life. My youngest child will be going in 2nd grade and teacher need/parent involvement diminishes a bit this year. I am enjoying summer with the kiddos but look forward to the fall and the new "season" I'll get to enter. I've named the season, Self RE-Discovery.
The hobbies I had when my older kids were younger are still interests to me, but no longer my passion, so to speak. Kid crafts are fun but no longer something I need to do every day. I love cooking fun, interesting and healthy foods for my family. That passion has diminished some as I get in the "what's for dinner" rut. But I'm emerging from that rut, finally. And with the help of the internet and fun recipes. My favorite sites to go to are www.VeggieVenture.com and www.allrecipes.com. Every recipe I've tried from these have been hits with the whole family, even the brussel sprouts!
I think my biggest passion, outside of my family, is learning. I love to learn new things...about anything. I'd love be more artsy. I was always discouraged taking art classes in jr high school because my still life drawings looked like something a three year old could draw and probably better. It took me several years after jr high school to realize that being "artsy" doesn't mean just drawing. I am artsy in ways but these talents are as developed as I'd like for them to be. While at an art museum with my brother I'd said something wanting to be more right brained. Every test I've ever taken or looked at shows my results to be almost 50/50. My brother is a lot more right brained that I am & I told him how I wished I was more right brained. He said he believed the right side can be more developed it worked at it. "I'll never balance my checkbook better than I do today, but you can learn to draw or whatever you want." He's absolutely right! I just had never thought of it that way. We all know how brilliant Albert Einstein was. He spoke like eight different languages, solved math equations no one else has been able to, etc. I read once where he said, the average person only uses 10% of their brain. Can you imagine what we could do it we used even half of our brain? Yes, I can develop my right sided "talents" more. I just need to follow what I teach my kids and put myself out there and try new things.
I've always wanted to learn to use a pottery wheel. So, this fall, part of my self Re-discovery will be trying new things, like pottery wheels and tap dancing. I love to dance and really do love to get my heart pumping but I hate going to a gym to get exercise. I like to ride bikes if I have a destination. I don't like riding just to go ride around the block with no place as a goal to get to. I love to dance and I've taught my kids to dance, just like my mom did.Now is the time to learn more.
I think this fall you will find me in some art studio learning how to use clay and a pottery wheel and maybe even in a dance studio. I think this new season is going to be a fun journey of self REdiscovery. I'm sure it will make me happy...maybe not as happy as those around me though. They'll get to seeing my lopsided clay creations or at my comic relief as I try to tap dance for the first time in my life.
One of the passages in the book I'm reading has stayed with me for a few days. "Whether cautionary or exemplary, there has not yet been a life lived that we cannot learn from. It is up to us to decide which ours will be." After being a stay at home mom for nearly 21 years, I'm now in a new season where I have a bit of time to find my "passion" and to decide again what kind of life I want to lead. This sounds funny coming from a mom of six kids who's in her early 40's but just as the year goes on with new seasons, so does life. My youngest child will be going in 2nd grade and teacher need/parent involvement diminishes a bit this year. I am enjoying summer with the kiddos but look forward to the fall and the new "season" I'll get to enter. I've named the season, Self RE-Discovery.
The hobbies I had when my older kids were younger are still interests to me, but no longer my passion, so to speak. Kid crafts are fun but no longer something I need to do every day. I love cooking fun, interesting and healthy foods for my family. That passion has diminished some as I get in the "what's for dinner" rut. But I'm emerging from that rut, finally. And with the help of the internet and fun recipes. My favorite sites to go to are www.VeggieVenture.com and www.allrecipes.com. Every recipe I've tried from these have been hits with the whole family, even the brussel sprouts!
I think my biggest passion, outside of my family, is learning. I love to learn new things...about anything. I'd love be more artsy. I was always discouraged taking art classes in jr high school because my still life drawings looked like something a three year old could draw and probably better. It took me several years after jr high school to realize that being "artsy" doesn't mean just drawing. I am artsy in ways but these talents are as developed as I'd like for them to be. While at an art museum with my brother I'd said something wanting to be more right brained. Every test I've ever taken or looked at shows my results to be almost 50/50. My brother is a lot more right brained that I am & I told him how I wished I was more right brained. He said he believed the right side can be more developed it worked at it. "I'll never balance my checkbook better than I do today, but you can learn to draw or whatever you want." He's absolutely right! I just had never thought of it that way. We all know how brilliant Albert Einstein was. He spoke like eight different languages, solved math equations no one else has been able to, etc. I read once where he said, the average person only uses 10% of their brain. Can you imagine what we could do it we used even half of our brain? Yes, I can develop my right sided "talents" more. I just need to follow what I teach my kids and put myself out there and try new things.
I've always wanted to learn to use a pottery wheel. So, this fall, part of my self Re-discovery will be trying new things, like pottery wheels and tap dancing. I love to dance and really do love to get my heart pumping but I hate going to a gym to get exercise. I like to ride bikes if I have a destination. I don't like riding just to go ride around the block with no place as a goal to get to. I love to dance and I've taught my kids to dance, just like my mom did.Now is the time to learn more.
I think this fall you will find me in some art studio learning how to use clay and a pottery wheel and maybe even in a dance studio. I think this new season is going to be a fun journey of self REdiscovery. I'm sure it will make me happy...maybe not as happy as those around me though. They'll get to seeing my lopsided clay creations or at my comic relief as I try to tap dance for the first time in my life.
Friday, June 20, 2014
Music. The Language we all understand
As I turned the key over in my Suburban today I heard Stevie Wonder blasting from the speakers. It was then that I remembered my 14 year old son had informed me that he found his Stevie Wonder CD, then he exclaims, "I love him!" He and Jim had listened to it on the way home last night. Had my neighbors noticed that I was just sitting in my driveway smiling while I let the music take me down sweet memory lane, they'd have thought I was a bit crazy. Each memory came with the sweetest feeling. I finally put the car in gear and backed out the driveway while I sang along with Stevie Wonder.
Music is a world within itself
When Stevie started singing his song Sir Duke, I was reminded of a question my brother asked on his facebook page."What Inspires you?" My serious answer was this: music, art, bright colors, a good book, nature...and Stevie Wonder. Here's a man that hasn't been able to see since early childhood and doesn't let it hold him back. I know in much of his music he uses synthesizers and keyboards with extra sounds but the next time you hear a song of his, try to pick out just the piano he's playing. That is inspiring!! If he can play like that, write the music he does and put on concerts then what's holding us back from doing what we love and want to do? Here are the lyrics to Sir Duke that inspired today's post:
Music is a world within itself
With a language we all understand
With an equal opportunity
For all to sing, dance and clap their hands
It's true. Music is the language we all understand. Kids are taught the alphabet with music. My teenagers have been taught math through music. They love this high school math teacher because he's not afraid to be silly and make up songs about Slope, Rise over Run or the Volume of a Cone. I'm the children's chorister at church. I teach about prayer, Jesus, loving others, the 10 commandments...through music. If my kids are stumped with something they're trying to memorize, I'll make up some silly ditty and they laugh at me, but they remember it next time. My absolute favorite part of the Disney movie UP is when they show the character's lives together. It's all little moments of their life, with absolutely no words. Just music. As I watch that part of the movie, I feel happy, sad, excited, I laugh and think "aw" all as I listen to the music and watch as their lives scroll before our eyes. Tom and Jerry cartoons do the same thing. We don't even need to watch as we listen to the music; we can understand how the cat or mouse are feeling or what's going on as we listen to the music. Stevie's right, music is something we all understand!
Earlier today that I was feeling a bit proud of the fact that music fills our home and lives so much. We have several kids that play the piano, sing and a couple poke around with the guitar. The radio, Ipod, CDs are always going. Then tonight my 11 year old daughter was reading a book that referenced Simon and Garfunkel and she asked me who they were. My pride bubble popped pretty quickly. I started to sing some of their songs and she looked at me like I was from another planet! All the kids do know Carole King, James Taylor, The Beatles...how did Simon and Garfunkel slip through the cracks!?? I know what we'll be doing this weekend! I'll be sharing my happiness as we listen to music Jim and I grew up hearing. I'm sure there will be laughter but probably not with us but at us as we sing and dance when we hear a song we loved as a kid. I might start with Paul Simon's 50 Ways to Leave Your Lover. Slip out the back Jack. Make a new plan Stan.... good stuff!!! Nate can count all the rhyming words. Education and music make me so very happy!
Have a wonderful weekend. Make time to listen to something that makes you happy and share it with those you love.
Have a wonderful weekend. Make time to listen to something that makes you happy and share it with those you love.
Wednesday, June 11, 2014
Advice worth following.
In my "about me" part of this blog I wrote "many days I don't know how I do what I do. I just wing it with a smile on my face." This is about 70% true and as my kids grow up, graduate and leave home I learn how to do it a bit better. Or at least I hope I do it better.
New moms-to-be often get unsolicited advice from everyone they see and some they don't even know. New moms are given words of advice and sometimes bitter judgments. Today I was given advice from a sweet lady about what sunscreen will protect my kiddos best. Rather than stop her and tell her "I know" I let her share her advice and after, I thanked her for her help and we started to walk around to check out the other side of the display and she instantly apologized. "I'm so sorry. That was unsolicited advice that you probably didn't even want." I said, "Please don't apologize. I appreciate you helping me keep my kids safe." I get less advice these days. I noticed this a couple months ago when it hit me that I'm starting a new "season" in life. My kids are more independent, I go the park and can sit and read a book, go to the pool and don't have to get in to teach kids how to swim. It's a bittersweet season but more sweet than bitter.
When my kids were little I'd watch other moms around me and paid attention to how they communicate with their children, how they'd teach their kids, how they played with--or didn't play with their kids. I remember once when my oldest was a baby, I'd taken her to the park to go swing. I'd been watching and chatting with this mom of a couple toddlers. She was pushing her son on the swing and her daughter started to run in front of the swing. Seeing what was about to happen this mom grabbed the swinging child and jerked the swing to a stop. As soon as it was stopped, she went to the running child and started yelling at her, tears from the little girl started and the swinging boy started crying. They both thought they were in trouble. I decided then that I didn't want to be a yelling mom. I'd hoped I'd be able to more calmly react to many situations. I'm not saying I don't yell. I think we all do or have at one time or another. Yelling or slamming doors make my hair stand on end much like fingernails on the chalkboard do to many people. But I do make an effort to not raise my voice out of anger.
One of the benefits of being the younger sister is being able to watch and learn from my brother and his wife. My sister-in-law is one of the best moms I've ever known. She's always so patient, tender and makes time for her kids. We had gone down for a weekend visit for some kid/cousin time. While we watched all the kids play I asked how she keeps the communication lines open with the kids. She simply said, "listen when they talk. Even when it's hard." Just after she said that my 4 year old came in to tell me all about the funny thing my brother had done. We had just watched this happen and were laughing about it too. I was shaking my head yes but kept taking peeks over her shoulder to see what else was going on outside. As I was doing this, my sister-in-law pokes my arm, nods toward my daughter and mouths, "even when it's hard." I realized that I'd only partially been listening to my sweet, giggling little girl. My sister-in-law's answer was short but some of the best advice I've ever heard and am so glad I have followed her advice.
I was reminded of this advice today when my oldest daughter called me. She's attending college 1800 miles away and we don't talk as often as we used to be able to. I answer and without saying hello, she starts in with "Hey. I'm walking to the store so I thought I'd call you...like I always do when I go grocery shopping." She filled me in on her life. We laughed as she shared funny stories, we planned her part of father's day fun and I offered advice when she asked. I love that she calls me when she's walking to the grocery store and that she didn't ask if I had time to talk because she knows I will always make the time to talk.
I think all of our kids know that, or I hope they do. When they come home from school I hear each one of them yell for me as they walk in the door. Sometimes it's letting me know they're home, other times it's, "GUESS what?" I'm glad I can be there for them and that they know they are my first priority.
Take time to listen to the advice we're given from those that are close to us. If I didn't listen to advice I'd been given as mom-to-be, a new mom or learning as I grow up mom, I think I'd know what I'm doing about 10% of the time.
New moms-to-be often get unsolicited advice from everyone they see and some they don't even know. New moms are given words of advice and sometimes bitter judgments. Today I was given advice from a sweet lady about what sunscreen will protect my kiddos best. Rather than stop her and tell her "I know" I let her share her advice and after, I thanked her for her help and we started to walk around to check out the other side of the display and she instantly apologized. "I'm so sorry. That was unsolicited advice that you probably didn't even want." I said, "Please don't apologize. I appreciate you helping me keep my kids safe." I get less advice these days. I noticed this a couple months ago when it hit me that I'm starting a new "season" in life. My kids are more independent, I go the park and can sit and read a book, go to the pool and don't have to get in to teach kids how to swim. It's a bittersweet season but more sweet than bitter.
When my kids were little I'd watch other moms around me and paid attention to how they communicate with their children, how they'd teach their kids, how they played with--or didn't play with their kids. I remember once when my oldest was a baby, I'd taken her to the park to go swing. I'd been watching and chatting with this mom of a couple toddlers. She was pushing her son on the swing and her daughter started to run in front of the swing. Seeing what was about to happen this mom grabbed the swinging child and jerked the swing to a stop. As soon as it was stopped, she went to the running child and started yelling at her, tears from the little girl started and the swinging boy started crying. They both thought they were in trouble. I decided then that I didn't want to be a yelling mom. I'd hoped I'd be able to more calmly react to many situations. I'm not saying I don't yell. I think we all do or have at one time or another. Yelling or slamming doors make my hair stand on end much like fingernails on the chalkboard do to many people. But I do make an effort to not raise my voice out of anger.
One of the benefits of being the younger sister is being able to watch and learn from my brother and his wife. My sister-in-law is one of the best moms I've ever known. She's always so patient, tender and makes time for her kids. We had gone down for a weekend visit for some kid/cousin time. While we watched all the kids play I asked how she keeps the communication lines open with the kids. She simply said, "listen when they talk. Even when it's hard." Just after she said that my 4 year old came in to tell me all about the funny thing my brother had done. We had just watched this happen and were laughing about it too. I was shaking my head yes but kept taking peeks over her shoulder to see what else was going on outside. As I was doing this, my sister-in-law pokes my arm, nods toward my daughter and mouths, "even when it's hard." I realized that I'd only partially been listening to my sweet, giggling little girl. My sister-in-law's answer was short but some of the best advice I've ever heard and am so glad I have followed her advice.
I was reminded of this advice today when my oldest daughter called me. She's attending college 1800 miles away and we don't talk as often as we used to be able to. I answer and without saying hello, she starts in with "Hey. I'm walking to the store so I thought I'd call you...like I always do when I go grocery shopping." She filled me in on her life. We laughed as she shared funny stories, we planned her part of father's day fun and I offered advice when she asked. I love that she calls me when she's walking to the grocery store and that she didn't ask if I had time to talk because she knows I will always make the time to talk.
I think all of our kids know that, or I hope they do. When they come home from school I hear each one of them yell for me as they walk in the door. Sometimes it's letting me know they're home, other times it's, "GUESS what?" I'm glad I can be there for them and that they know they are my first priority.
Take time to listen to the advice we're given from those that are close to us. If I didn't listen to advice I'd been given as mom-to-be, a new mom or learning as I grow up mom, I think I'd know what I'm doing about 10% of the time.
Wednesday, June 4, 2014
Farewell Dr. Merry
Maybe I should change the name of my blog to midnight blogger, since that seems to be when I give up and clear my head. It's also the only time that my house is silent and I can write uninterrupted.
This morning my husband called and told me one of his favorite college professors and mentor was killed in a horrific auto accident. She was the only one injured and the news said she was pronounced dead at the scene. That phone call shook me more than I'd expect it to. This professor was a female engineer, engineering is still predominantly a man's circle. She was a pioneer of sorts. Not only was she an engineer before so very many women but she was also a college professor who later became a Chair of the College of Engineering at The Ohio State University. Though, she wasn't ever one of my professors, she touched my life and I'm so grateful to say that I knew her. She was a gracious, kind hearted woman that knew her students and wanted to have a connection with each of them. I heard so many stories from my husband about Dr. Merry. "She taught this, did you know she did...? She drives THE coolest red Porsche! She likes to ski!..." If I didn't know better, I'd think she was Jim's only Engineering Professor.
Jim said the conversations today in his office were people sharing their "Dr. Merry stories" When Jim shared His story, someone yelled "THAT was YOU!?" She always told us that she shared his story with her classes every year. Jim didn't really believe her until today.
Honestly, Jim should be writing this post since she was his professor and he was closer to her. But I love that though she never taught me in class, she always gave me a little, quick, soft hug and asked about our kids and how my life was going. I had the privilege of meeting her several times at several engineering events Jim and his "plus one" was invited to. So, I do feel a bit like I'm infringing on his story but I'll share my side of His Story so it is kind of our story. :)
I was 9 days from my due date with our first baby and it was finals week for Jim. He was beyond stressed and tired. It was also before cell phones were easily affordable, so Jim had a pager. He worked full time and went to school full time and was home for about 7 hours a day. His rule for me was, "call the pager ONLY if you're in labor, not 'please pick up milk at the store.' " Good, can do. My rule for him was, "You must leave your pager on at all times." Good, can do.
I worked as a secretary about 25 minutes away from campus and I drove our only car. (He rode a bike and I'd pick him up at the end of the day, have dinner and he'd then take the car to work.) Being a first time mom I didn't quite know what to expect with labor pains and when I started to get crampy and back aches I didn't think much of it. My boss was talking to me and she noticed I kept rubbing my stomach every few minutes. She gets me to the back room, puts my feet up and tells me to call the dr. "No. I'm sure it's nothing. This feels nothing like the books say." I call the dr. anyway and he suggests I come in he thinks I'm in the early stages of labor. My boss panics, "YOU have the car! You can't drive!" "No not today. Jim had to do a presentation in class and it was his only final." She tells me to call Jim right away, I hesitate because I know he was so worried about Dr. Merry's presentation. "She's a super nice lady but she's a tough professor. I need to do well on this." Pain was getting a bit worse and I decide to use my 911 call on the pager. I hear this message: "This pager cannot be reached." WHAT?!?! I call every number I can to find the correct engineering building, secretary and FINALLY some poor guy who is walking by the phone decided to pick it up. He hears hears this young mom-to-be explaining the situation. "My husband is giving his final presentation in Dr. Merry's class. I don't know what room, can't remember the name of the class. I don't even know what building. He's studying Structural engineering. You think you can find him for me?" Unlucky phone answerer: "Give me your number and I will call you if I can NOT find him but I'm pretty sure I know where he is. I'll race over and have him call you." I didn't hear back from him and didn't hear from Jim for another 20 minutes or so. At this point my sweet boss is in a complete panic while I'm still saying, "I'm sure I'm fine. Jim will be here sometime...today."
Now I will flip to what I've heard Jim share as His story...and some of Dr. Merry's version as she told me later. Before class Jim had talked to Dr. Merry and reminded her of the situation about his pregnant wife but that I had 9 days and the Dr. assured us the baby wouldn't come early. She would ask Jim all the time how his wife was doing and ask for baby updates. He was one of the few married engineering students, let alone a new father to be and he had orange hair. He was hard to forget. :) Jim's name is called to do the presentation. He is about 5 minutes into his 20 or so minute presentation and this frazzled young kid opens the door and yells, "Is Jim Eudaily in here?!" Um, Yeah. "you're wife's in labor!" Jim was so worried about his presentation and grade that he had turned off his pager so he wouldn't be distracted. (THIS was Dr. Merry's favorite part) "He continued to give his presentation as he's gathering his things!" Finally Dr. Merry told Jim to, "Stop! Go! You did a good job. Get out of here!" We had our first baby 10 days later after labor had been induced. 10 days earlier I'd had false labor but I was dialating and things were progressing, just not enough to stay at the hospital. Our first baby took her old sweet time coming but she certainly gave Dr. Merry a great story to share with every class before final exams for the past 20 years. OH! Jim got an A on his presentation.
Every time she saw me she'd ask, "how's Jim's presentation interruption doing?" "she's doing great." and I'd give a quick update on Kara and any other children we had. She'd always say, "Good for you!" when Jim would tell her we'd had another baby.
Today as stories were being shared someone said, "Jim, what's your Dr. Merry story." After he told it was when a younger coworker yelled, "THAT was YOU?! She always told us that she only gave one A for a presentation that wasn't completed and would tell us your story. She'd laugh every time!"
Dr. Merry didn't have children but I would think it's safe to say she probably felt like she had quite a few children that were also fortunate enough to be her students.
This morning my husband called and told me one of his favorite college professors and mentor was killed in a horrific auto accident. She was the only one injured and the news said she was pronounced dead at the scene. That phone call shook me more than I'd expect it to. This professor was a female engineer, engineering is still predominantly a man's circle. She was a pioneer of sorts. Not only was she an engineer before so very many women but she was also a college professor who later became a Chair of the College of Engineering at The Ohio State University. Though, she wasn't ever one of my professors, she touched my life and I'm so grateful to say that I knew her. She was a gracious, kind hearted woman that knew her students and wanted to have a connection with each of them. I heard so many stories from my husband about Dr. Merry. "She taught this, did you know she did...? She drives THE coolest red Porsche! She likes to ski!..." If I didn't know better, I'd think she was Jim's only Engineering Professor.
Jim said the conversations today in his office were people sharing their "Dr. Merry stories" When Jim shared His story, someone yelled "THAT was YOU!?" She always told us that she shared his story with her classes every year. Jim didn't really believe her until today.
Honestly, Jim should be writing this post since she was his professor and he was closer to her. But I love that though she never taught me in class, she always gave me a little, quick, soft hug and asked about our kids and how my life was going. I had the privilege of meeting her several times at several engineering events Jim and his "plus one" was invited to. So, I do feel a bit like I'm infringing on his story but I'll share my side of His Story so it is kind of our story. :)
I was 9 days from my due date with our first baby and it was finals week for Jim. He was beyond stressed and tired. It was also before cell phones were easily affordable, so Jim had a pager. He worked full time and went to school full time and was home for about 7 hours a day. His rule for me was, "call the pager ONLY if you're in labor, not 'please pick up milk at the store.' " Good, can do. My rule for him was, "You must leave your pager on at all times." Good, can do.
I worked as a secretary about 25 minutes away from campus and I drove our only car. (He rode a bike and I'd pick him up at the end of the day, have dinner and he'd then take the car to work.) Being a first time mom I didn't quite know what to expect with labor pains and when I started to get crampy and back aches I didn't think much of it. My boss was talking to me and she noticed I kept rubbing my stomach every few minutes. She gets me to the back room, puts my feet up and tells me to call the dr. "No. I'm sure it's nothing. This feels nothing like the books say." I call the dr. anyway and he suggests I come in he thinks I'm in the early stages of labor. My boss panics, "YOU have the car! You can't drive!" "No not today. Jim had to do a presentation in class and it was his only final." She tells me to call Jim right away, I hesitate because I know he was so worried about Dr. Merry's presentation. "She's a super nice lady but she's a tough professor. I need to do well on this." Pain was getting a bit worse and I decide to use my 911 call on the pager. I hear this message: "This pager cannot be reached." WHAT?!?! I call every number I can to find the correct engineering building, secretary and FINALLY some poor guy who is walking by the phone decided to pick it up. He hears hears this young mom-to-be explaining the situation. "My husband is giving his final presentation in Dr. Merry's class. I don't know what room, can't remember the name of the class. I don't even know what building. He's studying Structural engineering. You think you can find him for me?" Unlucky phone answerer: "Give me your number and I will call you if I can NOT find him but I'm pretty sure I know where he is. I'll race over and have him call you." I didn't hear back from him and didn't hear from Jim for another 20 minutes or so. At this point my sweet boss is in a complete panic while I'm still saying, "I'm sure I'm fine. Jim will be here sometime...today."
Now I will flip to what I've heard Jim share as His story...and some of Dr. Merry's version as she told me later. Before class Jim had talked to Dr. Merry and reminded her of the situation about his pregnant wife but that I had 9 days and the Dr. assured us the baby wouldn't come early. She would ask Jim all the time how his wife was doing and ask for baby updates. He was one of the few married engineering students, let alone a new father to be and he had orange hair. He was hard to forget. :) Jim's name is called to do the presentation. He is about 5 minutes into his 20 or so minute presentation and this frazzled young kid opens the door and yells, "Is Jim Eudaily in here?!" Um, Yeah. "you're wife's in labor!" Jim was so worried about his presentation and grade that he had turned off his pager so he wouldn't be distracted. (THIS was Dr. Merry's favorite part) "He continued to give his presentation as he's gathering his things!" Finally Dr. Merry told Jim to, "Stop! Go! You did a good job. Get out of here!" We had our first baby 10 days later after labor had been induced. 10 days earlier I'd had false labor but I was dialating and things were progressing, just not enough to stay at the hospital. Our first baby took her old sweet time coming but she certainly gave Dr. Merry a great story to share with every class before final exams for the past 20 years. OH! Jim got an A on his presentation.
Every time she saw me she'd ask, "how's Jim's presentation interruption doing?" "she's doing great." and I'd give a quick update on Kara and any other children we had. She'd always say, "Good for you!" when Jim would tell her we'd had another baby.
Today as stories were being shared someone said, "Jim, what's your Dr. Merry story." After he told it was when a younger coworker yelled, "THAT was YOU?! She always told us that she only gave one A for a presentation that wasn't completed and would tell us your story. She'd laugh every time!"
Dr. Merry didn't have children but I would think it's safe to say she probably felt like she had quite a few children that were also fortunate enough to be her students.
This is what was written in OSU's announcement of her retirement just over a year ago:
"Her relationship with alumni and donors is remarkable and sincere. Her calm and gentle demeanor has fostered significant long-lasting relationships both personal and professional."
Rest In Peace, Dr. Merry. Thank you for being you. You will be missed.
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