I am a stay at home mom. I have been for nearly 21 years. For years I've wondered if I should get a job, outside of the home. Why I feel the need to clarify, "outside of the home" is a bit odd to me. What I do is a full time job. I don't get paid, sick days, vacation days and it's more difficult, emotionally, mentally and physically than nearly every paid job I've ever had.
My youngest son is in 2nd grade and in school all day. Last year I applied to be a sub in our schools. I love doing this so much! It's a blast to see the kids and have so many kids come running in during the day to say hi to me or ask me if I'm so and so's mom. I get to know the teachers on a different level than just the parent-teacher relationship. I thoroughly enjoy it. The days I sub at school the afternoon is different at home. I can't put a finger on it, it's just different. Not as calm, maybe...?
As I consider the possibility of a job opening up some day in the schools that I could apply for I think about the pros & cons list. There are good to both but each has a cost. Being a Stay at home mom means that we don't drive the fanciest cars, have the fanciest clothes and aren't season ticket holders to any sports teams, vacations don't come every year. However, being a stay at home mom means that I'm home when my kids get home. Should they have a bad day or a great day, I'm here to laugh and dance with them or give hugs and share ice cream. I have time to do grocery shopping with ease and probably take longer than I have to at the store. I save money on "work clothes" I can wear jeans and sweatshirt every day if I choose. I've been told by my "working mom" friends that something has to give when you work outside of the home. Kids get sick at school...they may not be able to come home or have to wait until I can get there to get them. The house may be messier, dinners may be rushed. However you have more money for more things. Sports each season, music lessons, toys, nicer/newer cars, more clothes. I'd be around people more, be more challenged in areas I'm not as much, I'd get kudos for job well done.
With big decisions we discuss them with our kids because it impacts them too. Today I was talking to one of my teenagers and this topic came up. We talked about a family she babysits for and how they have so many toys and gadgets. I followed her lead with this fun conversation. She said, "I know we can have more toys and things if you worked but I would rather have you home when I get home." She told me some of her friends don't see their parents very much and that she likes having me to talk to. One of my kids called from school and came home sick today. I was so happy I can be there to get them and not have to clear it with my boss, arrange for things to be done while I'm not in the office.
When I quit my job after my first baby a co worker said, "you're off to have the life of luxury." At the time I thought, okay. maybe. Then about 3 weeks later I thought, "what was she thinking?!" I don't get enough sleep, I don't always shower every day, I get puked on, pooped on and then I clean and cook when she takes a nap. Yep! This is the life of luxury."
I don't have a boss giving me deadlines, I set my own schedule, I do have a side business that I budget my time with. So, I guess now I'm living that life of luxury she referred to. We were in a car accident 2 years ago and we needed to get a "new" car and insurance didn't pay off the van that was totaled so we couldn't afford what we wanted to get so we searched and what we found was a 10 yr old Suburban. It was new to us and we love it. It is a financial sacrifice to be a stay at home mom. My husband and I have talked about me getting a job a thousand times over the years and every time our decision is that the kids need to be more available to them than we need extra money in our pockets. I'm realize we're so fortunate to be able to do this. It is financially tough many times throughout the year, we have to decide who gets braces next and our kids don't get a car when they turn 16. They actually share a car that is 17 years old and they love it because it's theirs.
So the next time I'm asked what do I do, I may consider the following answer, "I'm a CEO, CFO, nurse, mediator, tutor, chef, maid, taxi driver, psychologist, financial advisor, accountant, friend and coach." Or maybe I'll just say, "I'm a stay at home mom" and not feel the need inadequate or like I need to justify my decision.
Being a Stay At Home Mom makes me happy. I'm happy I get to be there for my kids. Our second is heading off to college a few weeks, we've found out firsthand that kids grow up super fast. Make sure you stop and smell the roses with them and enjoy the ride.
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