The joy of the game

Here is our Jonathan Alder Varsity soccer team. The seniors are standing, their head coach is next to our tallest boy on the team. 

These boys have had an amazing season and fought so hard until the very last second. They play every game with class and grace and they lost last night's Districts semi-final game with that same class and grace. Hunter calls this team his "brothers." These brothers and head coach have taught each other how to stand up for one another, love each other, support each other and how to strengthen one another. After the clock buzzed last night with the scoreboard reading 1-0 Hamilton, it was silent for a few seconds as we watched our boys come to grips with the end of the game and for many their high school soccer career. Then we parents/fan clapped for our boys one last time. I blinked away some tears, not because we lost, but because I knew that moment was the last time this family would be all together in the stands doing what we do for our boys and their coach...cheering, supporting, loving and, at times, defending them. Over the years we've received an occasional email from the coach asking us to tone it down a bit and to leave the Ref disputes to him, (sometimes it's difficult not to defend our boys.) :) Then the boys turned facing us, as is tradition, and clapped for us-thanking the fans for being there. Seeing their faces may have made a few of those tears run down my cheek.

 The pride and love I have for these boys was overflowing last night. I wish the senior boys the very best life has to offer them and am excited to see what they do with all they've learned from one another, from the coach and from the game. I wish the upcoming team all the luck in their next years of soccer. I hope they carry the JA pride and class into every game they play, just as they have this year. 

As one of the players, who left this world way too soon, used to say; "Play for something than yourself."  I think the boys played with this in mind all season. Good job Alder boys! You make Pioneer Country proud.

WHY I'M READY FOR SCHOOL TO START

As I'm reading all these back to school "letters" to kindergarten moms, senior moms, Jr. High moms etc. and I must say I'm kinda feeling like a bad mom. I do love summer vacation so much and I'm always sad to give my kids back to school and for all of us to start back into the crazy schedules, grade conversations, homework stresses, etc. However, I'm okay with all my kids staring their new years of school. I'll have one entering his (and my) last day of elementary school, "baby #3" starts his senior year, the other 2 are continuing in their same schools. I'm not near tears and I'm not wishing for "just one more day." Though I'm also not counting the days until they go back to school. Maybe I'm not a bad mom just an experienced mom that's  ready to watch the next season of everyone's life unfold. While I know I will have sad moments throughout the year, I'm excited for them to start their new year and am excited to watch them grow--academically and personally. I'm sure the last Halloween and Christmas room party I plan will be one of my "leaky eye" moments and their last High School choir concert always, always gets me...(I'm stocking up on tissues before October 30.)

     So, as we all read these "letters" and blog posts also remember it's okay to look forward with excitement and enthusiasm. After having 2 kids go off to college (1 recently graduated), I've learned a few things. 1. It's amazing to watch your babies spread their wings and fly so much higher than they thought they could...but just as you expected. 2. It's okay to want to hold on, but it's even better to let go (a little bit more every year) and let them stretch their wings, and 3. The current "season" we are in should be our favorite. Capture those moments and hold them close to your heart. They are fleeting and really do go by so quickly.  I remember hearing people tell me to "enjoy this time" as I'm struggling to get 5 or 6 kids to pick out library books while remaining quiet, or trying to safely get a toddler, a baby and several little kiddos to the car so I can unload 2 grocery carts of food. I thought, "yeah, I'll really miss this moment in time." You know what...I see other moms doing what I once did and smile every time as I remember the many times I did that...and survived, regardless of how many times I was sure those moments would do me in. 

     Moms, as school starts don't beat yourself up if you cry the first day of the school year. Your tears will dry by the end of the end of the day and your heart will be filled with joy at seeing their happy faces as they tell you all about the adventures. And if you're like me and not crying (yet), it's okay. Enjoy the freedoms your children have and that you now have. Watching your babies take advantage of their independence is a fantastic thing. And you get to be there at the end of the day ready to hear their stories of the new adventures and plans they have. 

I picture myself  looking like our dog after we've been gone for 15 minutes. ...excitedly waiting by the door ready to hear all about their days.  Have a happy back to school week and month. 

Inspired by a 1950's meme

 I recently saw a meme about how life has changed in the past decades that inspired this blog post. The meme was about how 60 years ago ONE income was enough, 40 hours a week at work was enough, retirement was at 60 and you got a pension. Last summer our family did a Decade Study. It  was fascinating for me as the kids' presentations were so informative and visual as we saw the changes happen right before our eyes. One comment under that meme was about the physical appearance of the people in the side by side pictures. In the 50's there weren't as many overweight people as there are now. My guess is in large part because fast food restaurants weren't as abundant as now a days, processed food wasn't as easily and as readily available and "back then" people had  or took the time to cook and sit down to eat dinner. It's been proven that slower eating helps you eat less and digest food better. We are all so busy now a days we  often inhale dinner as we run to a ball game, meeting, event, etc. or we are eating in the car as we go.

I got the idea for the Decade Study a little later in summer. We started at the 40s and ended the with the 90's. Tho my husband and I started  it out with a quick history of the 30's and the Big Depression. That was the BEST Idea I may have had in years when it comes to making education fun for the kids. The knowledge each kid learned is still being brought up in conversations often.  They all had to present it to us and know their topic for questions to be asked, my then 8 year old learned to make an awesome PowerPoint Presentation.  In the first few months of school they all studied artists, people in history, musicians, historical events and even "where are they now" kind of things. The kids would come home all excited and tell me they already have their assignment done it just needs tweaked from summer. This year, they're studying the states and will share fun facts as we travel through the state we're driving in as we go out west to attend our oldest daughter's college graduation. I don't think it's as nearly as fun as last year's study. :)


When we did the  decade  study I had written topics on a piece of paper--1 for each person in our family, 8 was a lot of topics to come up with!-and they had to research that topic and make a presentation of some kind for our  Friday night fun. I always had food. We ate some great stuff and some not so great stuff and watched a show or commercials from that decade. LOVED that!!  Other topics I chose were: Music, Media, American History, World History, Games & toys, tv/movies, entertainment & fashion.

We started in the 40's. I forgot what I made for dinner that week but when we got to the 50's the history was so interesting and how health, diet, and family connections started changing. Women started working during WWII to help the men that were fighting for our country. When the men returned, lots of women decided they were doing fine working and wanted to continue to work and Women's equality debates and platforms started. Some men struggled to find jobs because women were doing those jobs they were doing before they left for war. My favorite thing I noticed--because I was doing the food was in the 50's TV dinners were introduced. More women were working, didn't have as much time as they had the decade earlier to make fresh healthy meals for their families. Because of war, things started costing more. Grocery bills rose, clothing prices rose, etc. Kids needed to start doing more stuff for themselves...This isn't a "history is bad" or "women working is bad" blog post. I just found it so interesting as to how life has changed and how we saw it change--on paper and on the computer. Kids learning to do more for themselves and not being coddled  is  almost always a good thing, I think.

Anyway...I've had several people recently ask me or message me about the decade study and how I had organized it for our family. So now ya know! We have fun memories of doing that on vacation, at home, at a park, and the kids will still randomly share "Fun Facts" of what they learned last summer. The benefit of doing this has been huge for our family. We have 3 new family favorite meals (Chicken a la King-from the 60s- is the most requested meal I've had all year), they understand politics and why certain things happened in history, our kids music interests have broadened so much. How many 13-16 year olds do you know that go around singing Roy Orbison, Billy Joel, Simon & Garfunkel or Carole King?....or who even know who Rosemary Clooney is.....or James Dean? They appreciate a gas powered lawn mower, a computer and the internet, a cell phone. How many of us had a boy or girl call and our siblings or parents teased us because they answered the phone when we got THAT call from that cute boy or girl? AND they know why the tab on a soda can has a hole on one side...it's not for your finger to pull it up. :)

Find something to study and put your own twist on it to make it fun for your family. Those memories you make will be held near to all your hearts for a long time to come....AND think of all the cool stuff they'll learn with you!

Who's the Enforcer here?

I hope people will respond to this blog post because I really would love to hear what others do because we can all learn from one another. How do you set rules in your family? How do you enforce those rules in your family?

We learn as we go and when we find a new "rule" that needs implemented, we involve the kids. I am a firm believer that if kids feel like they're involved and can own part of a decision they will honor it a bit better. We have the kids help plan vacation, they'll enjoy it more, we all do stuff we want to do and no one complains. Win-Win-Win!  Rules work kind of the same way here, we set rules and have kids help find a consequence that they feel is fair and fits the "crime". My problem is the enforcing of those rules. I really really really hate being the bad cop. My oldest son tells me there are two things I say that he "hates" to hear, "Don't make me be this mom" after I enforce an unpleasant rule. The other will be saved for another post...maybe. :)  We have had conversations with our kids about who they think is the softer parent or who do they go to if they want to do something. Those are always interesting and usually funny conversations.

Here's how it works in our house, though it doesn't always go the way we plan.
We have a rule for grades that needs to be enforced with some kids more than others. The rule is: If you're truly doing the very best you can in each class and a C or D is the very BEST you can do, then we will accept that. However, if you have a  C or D and it's because of missing homework assignments, because you're not paying attention in class or not studying for tests, then that's not okay.  If you get an F, you lose all privileges until that comes up. We meet with each child that may need help and some encouragement keeping grades up. We have different consequences for each child. Each child is different and one consequence may mean something to one and nothing to another. Taking TV away from a child that doesn't watch TV is a wasted consequence.

Last night is the reason for this blog post and question. I was talking to our 16 yr old son about school and told him I'd not been on Progressbook in awhile, would he mind if I checked his grades now. (In other words, now is the time to tell me if you know of any bad grades) He says, Nope. Go ahead. I'm expecting As and Bs but I saw two high Ds. uh-oh! Every grade the teachers had entered were 87 or higher EXCEPT for two missing assignments in both classes. ouch! Those few missing assignments really do hurt a grade. Remember, THIS was no okay.  I reminded him of the rule he helped come up with: For every class that drops below a B he loses one thing per class. If he has D or F he flat out loses driving privileges (which I hate because it ends up being my punishment too). I tell him, absolutely NO Netflix until these things are turned in. Period. (We are currently watching Blue Bloods together.) You can drive to and from school and that's it. If they're not turned in by Friday, you lose the car all weekend. "Aw seriously?" Yep. I then send him to his dad, aka my sweet, wise husband, for back up.  Our son bounces back into the kitchen and announces, "Dad said I was okay to watch one episode tonight as long as he sees me writing up my current event I missed."  I not but think, "Houston, we have a problem!" Son runs off to get ready to do homework and my husband comes in the kitchen. "Hey babe. I love you."  Seeing the humor in this, I can't resist messing with him. "I love you too.  So my big strong man how'd your chat with our son go?"  My husband, "uh, yeah...I think I messed up a little. Can we fix it?" By this he meant, can I fix it.  I teased him about caving and being a big softie and went back to what we were doing. A bit later, our son walks back in the kitchen and I start fixing it, "Your dad and I agree (united front, right?), that you can watch ONE episode while you write up your current event HOWEVER, if those 2 missing assignments are not turned tomorrow and grades aren't up by Friday, you lose everything over the weekend...every.thing. phone, tv, car...got it? Then I say the first thing he hates to hear, "And please do it so I don't have to be mean. I hate being that mom."  He stops what he's doing, smiles and says, "It's okay mom. I think you're a Superhero." Awww... (my heart melted a little) So, he gets it. I hate enforcing the rules we all set but he also knows I'm doing it because that's my job and I love him. 

So, back to my question...How do you set rules in your family and bigger question...how do you enforce those rules? Who do you think is the enforcer in your family?  And my hat goes off to all the single parents that are the good cop and bad cop. Being just one of those is tough, but to do both and at the same time......you're amazing! 

It takes a lot of effort to appear to do nothing.

This is a post with a follow up from a conversation I had with my 9 year old son, aka the baby of the family. While getting ready for school yesterday he says, "I think it'd be fun to have a switcharoo day once a week." I assumed he was talking about switching with his dad because he's a Civil Engineer and gets to go on job sites to solve problems. What little boy wouldn't want to go watch cool trucks in action and watch bridges be built? No...he wanted to switcharoo with me, "because you do nothing all day. I'd like to do nothing sometimes." My first reaction was laughter and then I thought, "hmmmm...I think I've failed him a little." 

I've been a mom for 22 years and know not to be offended by this innocent comment or take what a child says personally, but it did get me thinking about his perspective on life.  He comes home from school to a clean house, full refrigerator, full pantry, the lights come on, house is warm and we have hot water for showers, the cars always run safely, etc. These things happen because I take care of them during the day, when he's at school or playing with friends. Our kids do have chores every day, However, the big stuff is always magically done when he needs it to be. 

After he left I decided to intentionally "do nothing" but mom life took care of that for me all by itself. I got asked by other kids to run a few emergency errands and then to go help out at one of the schools.  It was perfect for my "teaching moment". Nate is a sensitive boy when it comes to others' feelings. I had to be careful not to let him think he'd hurt my feelings because he really didn't. I didn't want him to apologize or feel bad for saying what he thought. That's one of the qualities I love about him! As soon as he realizes someone is sad he'll go to them and do whatever it takes to make them laugh or feel better, especially when it comes to his mom. Mom experience has taught me that this window is a pretty small one and  I'm loving that for a short while longer, I'm still a pretty big deal to him. 

When Nate finished his homework, I asked him to look around the house and tell me what he sees. "Dishes a kid forgot to do are still in the sink. Trash that I forgot to take out is very full. The cat's litter box has stuff in it." this list went on for a few minutes. I told him those are things I usually take care of during the day but I didn't today. Then I told him a few other things I do, "I pay the bills so everything works when it needs to, I take cars to the shop, I make sure everyone has clean towels every day, I clean the house and do the stuff I don't ask you to do"...and then named a few. Nate looked at me, around the room and then says, "You do stuff I don't even know about. That's a LOT. You should take some naps every day too!"  :)

Lately I've had mixed feelings about still being a Stay At Home Mom.  I love being here when they get home so we can celebrate the great days, help the bad days improve and eat ice cream together when big disappointments come. Though during the day the kids are in school, I could and would like to get a job (I've tried a few times in the past few months and for whatever reason, I'm still a SAHM), so I've needed to readjust my attitude and thinking about "What am I doing now?" This is where I need to be right now and when the time is right, I'll be hired for that job that is waiting for me to be ready.  Until then, I'll happily spend time with my 9 year old son who within the next year or so will move on from being a mama's boy to whatever fills his time and heart at that point. I'll happily be the mom that can always be available to talk to my college girls whenever they need or want to call, even just to say Hi. I'll happily be the mom that listens to angst and woes of teenage life, and help guide them through their ever changing  and challenging lives they're leading. I will happily be the mom that watches Netflix with my kids while they lay their heads on my shoulder or hold my hand. I will do all of this while I continue doing "nothing" every day for my family. 

Kudos goes out to all the parents that appear to do nothing. It's not easy to do nothing. It's not always fun to do nothing. But it is so very worth every effort and amount of energy we spend doing nothing. I admire working moms and single parents so very much. I honestly am in awe of you. It takes me all day to "do nothing" so I can be ready for the evening of dinner inhaling, taxi service, homework help, etc.  I'm sure I would not look aa put together, as prepared or as calm as so many of you. 


It takes a lot of effort to appear to do nothing.  It makes me happy to "do nothing" every day for the seven people I love more than anything in this world.