God gave you a good brain...use it.

I started my 2nd year of college mom life and this week has been challenging.  I've been doubting myself, my mental capacity to recall ANYthing I learned in high school when it comes to algebra and quantitative reasoning. I'm feeling behind because I hadn't gotten my stuff gathered to be ready for the semester to start. Being a wife and mom come first. Always has, always will. Doing something for me is hard. Putting myself first is a challenge but one I need to learn to do because, the biggest reason I'm doing this is for my husband and kids.  

I called my sweet, patient husband a few times the past few days near tears....okay I was in tears this morning when I called for help. I've learned that I don't take his correction and advice as well as I should. I've learned that  believing the negative thoughts I have are easier than believing the positive things he tells me. I've learned that I need to follow my advice to my kids about tough times and "SIU," Suck It Up. After trying three times to solve a basic algabraic equation all my answers were wrong, I sent a text to my husband saying, "I wanna quit and it's only day TWO!" Then I texted, "I won't quit. I don't quit stuff, but I sure do want to." 

Why have I gone back to school? Why don't I give up, even when I want to? Because of my dad.  Not going to college was never an option when I was a kid. "God gave you a good brain and I expect you to use." My dad worked several jobs so my brother and I could attend college. My first go 'round, my grades weren't what they should be, I enjoyed college life...sometimes a bit too much. After two years of school,  with no Associates Degree earned, I decided to go home and work to save money to transfer to BYU in Provo. I was working 2 jobs when I met Jim. After a year of dating we got married and had a baby...and I put my education on hold to help Jim earn his degree and to be a mom full time.

As I prepared to start this school year, my parents have been on my mind a lot. I wish they were here to see what our lives have turned into. I wish they were here to enjoy all of their grandbabies. But since they aren't here, I find myself more determined to not give up and not quit school this go 'round in honor of them. My mom was a high school drop out, who later earned her GED. My dad was a high school trouble maker, who did graduate but didn't have the money or desire to go to college when he was younger. He did attend a community college after I had left home but he never earned his degree. He expected me to get a college education. I failed at that the first time. This time I'm going because I want to. I need to. I'm determined to get a degree. I will do it in honor of my mom and dad. 

While my dad isn't here to encourage me, tell me how great I am, how much I'm loved, how proud he is of me or that I'm his girl; Jim is and took that  spot 27 years ago. I wil improve to be more humble in asking for help and  will continue to improve in my acceptance of his help, his encouragement and belief in the positive things he says to me-about me. College isn't the only way to learn. Life offers an education too and I've got plenty of that to learn from while I pay for  BYU to teach me the book stuff. 

Being Grateful

We write for several reasons and today my reason for writing is to release stress and count my blessings.  This week...well actually, this whole month has been stressful and this post is for me. If anyone else can learn from this experience or be inspired in any way,  then I'm glad I wrote it for you to read. 

At Christmas we had three working cars. Starting the first week in January we went down one car per week. Our savings for a new kid's car also went down with each repair, until that savings account had very little left. The second week of January, college started for three of us.  The mom guilt I have had for me going back to school on top of these expenses was weighing so heavy on my heart and mind.

I'm a religious lady, not a fanatic by any means,  but I do have faith that our prayers are answered in a way we need them to be. I also believe the purpose of life is to learn, grow and do good until our time on earth is done.  Once I realized all I could learn from this situation I started to see a more clear picture and all the blessings or "luck" we were having. Being aware of  all the blessings I've seen in our lives makes these stresses seem so much easier to handle and manage. 

Every car that has or had issues could've had issues while we were going 80 miles per hour down the freeway. Our fairly new teenage driver could've been driving when some of these things happened. No car or people were injured through any situation. We easily found a car to replace Jim's old car. It wasn't the car we were going in to look at but this one is better and it's one that fits every need that we didn't even consider. We had no trouble getting financing or negotiating the price we needed to stay within....and we negotiated down $800 below blue book value even!  When I told Jim I'd been thinking about skipping a semester of school because the family needs me, my time, more acceptance of subbing jobs at school and our money. He said, "We had our own babies and you babysat, sold candles, avon and did a ton of other things to make ends meet while I was in school. It's my turn to do that for you. You will NOT put your education on hold again." I love his support and encouragement.    

I am a firm believer that if we are aware of our blessings and the good in our lives then the hard times we go through seem easier to handle or manage.  If I stop and think about all the money we've spent on cars that are either now dead or still needing repaired, I still feel overwhelmed. Though seeing all the good that's going on around me makes it seem manageable and I can enjoy the life I have. 

 I like the word adventure more than the word journey. Adventures are always fun things go on and a journey seems long and drawn out to me. So, find the good in life, be happy and enjoy your  adventure.