Late last night, I realized that this is the week that both of my parents passed away. One 16 years ago, the other 6 years ago. Remembering this, naturally made me a bit sad and for a couple reasons. Reason One: Is a natural feeling and thought...My parents aren't here with us. Reason Two: The days they passedand I didn't realize what the dates were. The weeks before my mom's passing was all a huge blur. I couldn't remember the day, let alone the date. When my dad passed away, I got a call from his dad on a late Sunday night saying he'd died. If someone were to ask me the dates of either death, I can tell you the 24, 25 or 26 of October, unless I look up the information. Weird, right?
I remember so many details of the days but not the exact dates of their deaths. Mom died at 6:00 on a Wednesday evening; I held her hand as she took her last breath. I'd talked to my dad the day before he died and when I got the call it seemed like a dream phone call. My grandpa's voice sounded like it was in distant fog.
As those days passed this week I thought of my parents, like I do so many other days. However, I didn't think, "Oh! This is the day my mom or dad died." I didn't cry because this was the day I sat with my mom as she took her last breath. I didn't cry because it was the last day I talked to my dad. This made me feel like maybe I'm a "bad daughter" or ungrateful or something. THEN I thought maybe it just means that I'm in a good place and a positive thinker. I remember them and think of them all the time but I don't dwell on their passing. They wouldn't want anyone to do that.
Instead they'd want me to think of their lives, a celebration of sorts. The joy, laughter, teaching, examples, their quick wit and funny anecdotes about them. I think of the twinkle in my mom's eyes as she made a birthday cake for her family, I think of the bounce in her step as she listened to Elvis' Christmas music. I think of the hours my dad spent teaching me how to through a softball, hit a ball, how to throw a punch so I could defend myself from a bully at school. I think of the nights he drove me home from late night activities and he'd notice the stars were so bright he'd pull over and we'd stare at the sky as he taught me about the constellations or space or some other science thing. (I hated science and that really bothered him...so very much.)
My grade in History had dropped, but not yet failing. My dad decided he'd come up with a "Proverb" to share with me. "Hey Tiff. I have a Chinese Proverb for you. No Passee, no Driveee." I of course responded with an eye roll and saying to Chill, it's not even a D- yet. Though I did decide to focus more and study harder for the next test so I could continue to drive whenever I wanted. My mom would sing We ain't Got a Barrel of Money whenever I was bummed about something or Dad had given me another fabulous proverb. (This Proverb Phase lasted for most of my high school life.) Before she'd sing this she's put a Reese's cup paper on her tooth to black it out, paint a wart on her face, mess up her hair or something ridiculous and do a silly dance. "We ain't got a barrel of.....Money. Maybe we're ragged and..... funny. But we'll travel along, singin a song.....side by side." As soon as I'd start to smile, she'd hook her arm in mine and jokingly poke me in the side until I sang the last line with her, then we'd laugh as we sang more of the song and completely screw up the lyrics.
October has always been one of my favorite months. The smells, colors, fall festivals, silly costumes and we celebrate our last baby's birthday the day before Halloween. I love that losing both of my parents in the same month hasn't changed my feelings about this month and time of year. Rather it's sweetened this time of year with fond memories, smiles and a warm heart.
October makes me happy. I hope this blog finds you happy too.
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