WHY I'M READY FOR SCHOOL TO START

As I'm reading all these back to school "letters" to kindergarten moms, senior moms, Jr. High moms etc. and I must say I'm kinda feeling like a bad mom. I do love summer vacation so much and I'm always sad to give my kids back to school and for all of us to start back into the crazy schedules, grade conversations, homework stresses, etc. However, I'm okay with all my kids staring their new years of school. I'll have one entering his (and my) last day of elementary school, "baby #3" starts his senior year, the other 2 are continuing in their same schools. I'm not near tears and I'm not wishing for "just one more day." Though I'm also not counting the days until they go back to school. Maybe I'm not a bad mom just an experienced mom that's  ready to watch the next season of everyone's life unfold. While I know I will have sad moments throughout the year, I'm excited for them to start their new year and am excited to watch them grow--academically and personally. I'm sure the last Halloween and Christmas room party I plan will be one of my "leaky eye" moments and their last High School choir concert always, always gets me...(I'm stocking up on tissues before October 30.)

     So, as we all read these "letters" and blog posts also remember it's okay to look forward with excitement and enthusiasm. After having 2 kids go off to college (1 recently graduated), I've learned a few things. 1. It's amazing to watch your babies spread their wings and fly so much higher than they thought they could...but just as you expected. 2. It's okay to want to hold on, but it's even better to let go (a little bit more every year) and let them stretch their wings, and 3. The current "season" we are in should be our favorite. Capture those moments and hold them close to your heart. They are fleeting and really do go by so quickly.  I remember hearing people tell me to "enjoy this time" as I'm struggling to get 5 or 6 kids to pick out library books while remaining quiet, or trying to safely get a toddler, a baby and several little kiddos to the car so I can unload 2 grocery carts of food. I thought, "yeah, I'll really miss this moment in time." You know what...I see other moms doing what I once did and smile every time as I remember the many times I did that...and survived, regardless of how many times I was sure those moments would do me in. 

     Moms, as school starts don't beat yourself up if you cry the first day of the school year. Your tears will dry by the end of the end of the day and your heart will be filled with joy at seeing their happy faces as they tell you all about the adventures. And if you're like me and not crying (yet), it's okay. Enjoy the freedoms your children have and that you now have. Watching your babies take advantage of their independence is a fantastic thing. And you get to be there at the end of the day ready to hear their stories of the new adventures and plans they have. 

I picture myself  looking like our dog after we've been gone for 15 minutes. ...excitedly waiting by the door ready to hear all about their days.  Have a happy back to school week and month. 

Inspired by a 1950's meme

 I recently saw a meme about how life has changed in the past decades that inspired this blog post. The meme was about how 60 years ago ONE income was enough, 40 hours a week at work was enough, retirement was at 60 and you got a pension. Last summer our family did a Decade Study. It  was fascinating for me as the kids' presentations were so informative and visual as we saw the changes happen right before our eyes. One comment under that meme was about the physical appearance of the people in the side by side pictures. In the 50's there weren't as many overweight people as there are now. My guess is in large part because fast food restaurants weren't as abundant as now a days, processed food wasn't as easily and as readily available and "back then" people had  or took the time to cook and sit down to eat dinner. It's been proven that slower eating helps you eat less and digest food better. We are all so busy now a days we  often inhale dinner as we run to a ball game, meeting, event, etc. or we are eating in the car as we go.

I got the idea for the Decade Study a little later in summer. We started at the 40s and ended the with the 90's. Tho my husband and I started  it out with a quick history of the 30's and the Big Depression. That was the BEST Idea I may have had in years when it comes to making education fun for the kids. The knowledge each kid learned is still being brought up in conversations often.  They all had to present it to us and know their topic for questions to be asked, my then 8 year old learned to make an awesome PowerPoint Presentation.  In the first few months of school they all studied artists, people in history, musicians, historical events and even "where are they now" kind of things. The kids would come home all excited and tell me they already have their assignment done it just needs tweaked from summer. This year, they're studying the states and will share fun facts as we travel through the state we're driving in as we go out west to attend our oldest daughter's college graduation. I don't think it's as nearly as fun as last year's study. :)


When we did the  decade  study I had written topics on a piece of paper--1 for each person in our family, 8 was a lot of topics to come up with!-and they had to research that topic and make a presentation of some kind for our  Friday night fun. I always had food. We ate some great stuff and some not so great stuff and watched a show or commercials from that decade. LOVED that!!  Other topics I chose were: Music, Media, American History, World History, Games & toys, tv/movies, entertainment & fashion.

We started in the 40's. I forgot what I made for dinner that week but when we got to the 50's the history was so interesting and how health, diet, and family connections started changing. Women started working during WWII to help the men that were fighting for our country. When the men returned, lots of women decided they were doing fine working and wanted to continue to work and Women's equality debates and platforms started. Some men struggled to find jobs because women were doing those jobs they were doing before they left for war. My favorite thing I noticed--because I was doing the food was in the 50's TV dinners were introduced. More women were working, didn't have as much time as they had the decade earlier to make fresh healthy meals for their families. Because of war, things started costing more. Grocery bills rose, clothing prices rose, etc. Kids needed to start doing more stuff for themselves...This isn't a "history is bad" or "women working is bad" blog post. I just found it so interesting as to how life has changed and how we saw it change--on paper and on the computer. Kids learning to do more for themselves and not being coddled  is  almost always a good thing, I think.

Anyway...I've had several people recently ask me or message me about the decade study and how I had organized it for our family. So now ya know! We have fun memories of doing that on vacation, at home, at a park, and the kids will still randomly share "Fun Facts" of what they learned last summer. The benefit of doing this has been huge for our family. We have 3 new family favorite meals (Chicken a la King-from the 60s- is the most requested meal I've had all year), they understand politics and why certain things happened in history, our kids music interests have broadened so much. How many 13-16 year olds do you know that go around singing Roy Orbison, Billy Joel, Simon & Garfunkel or Carole King?....or who even know who Rosemary Clooney is.....or James Dean? They appreciate a gas powered lawn mower, a computer and the internet, a cell phone. How many of us had a boy or girl call and our siblings or parents teased us because they answered the phone when we got THAT call from that cute boy or girl? AND they know why the tab on a soda can has a hole on one side...it's not for your finger to pull it up. :)

Find something to study and put your own twist on it to make it fun for your family. Those memories you make will be held near to all your hearts for a long time to come....AND think of all the cool stuff they'll learn with you!

Who's the Enforcer here?

I hope people will respond to this blog post because I really would love to hear what others do because we can all learn from one another. How do you set rules in your family? How do you enforce those rules in your family?

We learn as we go and when we find a new "rule" that needs implemented, we involve the kids. I am a firm believer that if kids feel like they're involved and can own part of a decision they will honor it a bit better. We have the kids help plan vacation, they'll enjoy it more, we all do stuff we want to do and no one complains. Win-Win-Win!  Rules work kind of the same way here, we set rules and have kids help find a consequence that they feel is fair and fits the "crime". My problem is the enforcing of those rules. I really really really hate being the bad cop. My oldest son tells me there are two things I say that he "hates" to hear, "Don't make me be this mom" after I enforce an unpleasant rule. The other will be saved for another post...maybe. :)  We have had conversations with our kids about who they think is the softer parent or who do they go to if they want to do something. Those are always interesting and usually funny conversations.

Here's how it works in our house, though it doesn't always go the way we plan.
We have a rule for grades that needs to be enforced with some kids more than others. The rule is: If you're truly doing the very best you can in each class and a C or D is the very BEST you can do, then we will accept that. However, if you have a  C or D and it's because of missing homework assignments, because you're not paying attention in class or not studying for tests, then that's not okay.  If you get an F, you lose all privileges until that comes up. We meet with each child that may need help and some encouragement keeping grades up. We have different consequences for each child. Each child is different and one consequence may mean something to one and nothing to another. Taking TV away from a child that doesn't watch TV is a wasted consequence.

Last night is the reason for this blog post and question. I was talking to our 16 yr old son about school and told him I'd not been on Progressbook in awhile, would he mind if I checked his grades now. (In other words, now is the time to tell me if you know of any bad grades) He says, Nope. Go ahead. I'm expecting As and Bs but I saw two high Ds. uh-oh! Every grade the teachers had entered were 87 or higher EXCEPT for two missing assignments in both classes. ouch! Those few missing assignments really do hurt a grade. Remember, THIS was no okay.  I reminded him of the rule he helped come up with: For every class that drops below a B he loses one thing per class. If he has D or F he flat out loses driving privileges (which I hate because it ends up being my punishment too). I tell him, absolutely NO Netflix until these things are turned in. Period. (We are currently watching Blue Bloods together.) You can drive to and from school and that's it. If they're not turned in by Friday, you lose the car all weekend. "Aw seriously?" Yep. I then send him to his dad, aka my sweet, wise husband, for back up.  Our son bounces back into the kitchen and announces, "Dad said I was okay to watch one episode tonight as long as he sees me writing up my current event I missed."  I not but think, "Houston, we have a problem!" Son runs off to get ready to do homework and my husband comes in the kitchen. "Hey babe. I love you."  Seeing the humor in this, I can't resist messing with him. "I love you too.  So my big strong man how'd your chat with our son go?"  My husband, "uh, yeah...I think I messed up a little. Can we fix it?" By this he meant, can I fix it.  I teased him about caving and being a big softie and went back to what we were doing. A bit later, our son walks back in the kitchen and I start fixing it, "Your dad and I agree (united front, right?), that you can watch ONE episode while you write up your current event HOWEVER, if those 2 missing assignments are not turned tomorrow and grades aren't up by Friday, you lose everything over the weekend...every.thing. phone, tv, car...got it? Then I say the first thing he hates to hear, "And please do it so I don't have to be mean. I hate being that mom."  He stops what he's doing, smiles and says, "It's okay mom. I think you're a Superhero." Awww... (my heart melted a little) So, he gets it. I hate enforcing the rules we all set but he also knows I'm doing it because that's my job and I love him. 

So, back to my question...How do you set rules in your family and bigger question...how do you enforce those rules? Who do you think is the enforcer in your family?  And my hat goes off to all the single parents that are the good cop and bad cop. Being just one of those is tough, but to do both and at the same time......you're amazing! 

It takes a lot of effort to appear to do nothing.

This is a post with a follow up from a conversation I had with my 9 year old son, aka the baby of the family. While getting ready for school yesterday he says, "I think it'd be fun to have a switcharoo day once a week." I assumed he was talking about switching with his dad because he's a Civil Engineer and gets to go on job sites to solve problems. What little boy wouldn't want to go watch cool trucks in action and watch bridges be built? No...he wanted to switcharoo with me, "because you do nothing all day. I'd like to do nothing sometimes." My first reaction was laughter and then I thought, "hmmmm...I think I've failed him a little." 

I've been a mom for 22 years and know not to be offended by this innocent comment or take what a child says personally, but it did get me thinking about his perspective on life.  He comes home from school to a clean house, full refrigerator, full pantry, the lights come on, house is warm and we have hot water for showers, the cars always run safely, etc. These things happen because I take care of them during the day, when he's at school or playing with friends. Our kids do have chores every day, However, the big stuff is always magically done when he needs it to be. 

After he left I decided to intentionally "do nothing" but mom life took care of that for me all by itself. I got asked by other kids to run a few emergency errands and then to go help out at one of the schools.  It was perfect for my "teaching moment". Nate is a sensitive boy when it comes to others' feelings. I had to be careful not to let him think he'd hurt my feelings because he really didn't. I didn't want him to apologize or feel bad for saying what he thought. That's one of the qualities I love about him! As soon as he realizes someone is sad he'll go to them and do whatever it takes to make them laugh or feel better, especially when it comes to his mom. Mom experience has taught me that this window is a pretty small one and  I'm loving that for a short while longer, I'm still a pretty big deal to him. 

When Nate finished his homework, I asked him to look around the house and tell me what he sees. "Dishes a kid forgot to do are still in the sink. Trash that I forgot to take out is very full. The cat's litter box has stuff in it." this list went on for a few minutes. I told him those are things I usually take care of during the day but I didn't today. Then I told him a few other things I do, "I pay the bills so everything works when it needs to, I take cars to the shop, I make sure everyone has clean towels every day, I clean the house and do the stuff I don't ask you to do"...and then named a few. Nate looked at me, around the room and then says, "You do stuff I don't even know about. That's a LOT. You should take some naps every day too!"  :)

Lately I've had mixed feelings about still being a Stay At Home Mom.  I love being here when they get home so we can celebrate the great days, help the bad days improve and eat ice cream together when big disappointments come. Though during the day the kids are in school, I could and would like to get a job (I've tried a few times in the past few months and for whatever reason, I'm still a SAHM), so I've needed to readjust my attitude and thinking about "What am I doing now?" This is where I need to be right now and when the time is right, I'll be hired for that job that is waiting for me to be ready.  Until then, I'll happily spend time with my 9 year old son who within the next year or so will move on from being a mama's boy to whatever fills his time and heart at that point. I'll happily be the mom that can always be available to talk to my college girls whenever they need or want to call, even just to say Hi. I'll happily be the mom that listens to angst and woes of teenage life, and help guide them through their ever changing  and challenging lives they're leading. I will happily be the mom that watches Netflix with my kids while they lay their heads on my shoulder or hold my hand. I will do all of this while I continue doing "nothing" every day for my family. 

Kudos goes out to all the parents that appear to do nothing. It's not easy to do nothing. It's not always fun to do nothing. But it is so very worth every effort and amount of energy we spend doing nothing. I admire working moms and single parents so very much. I honestly am in awe of you. It takes me all day to "do nothing" so I can be ready for the evening of dinner inhaling, taxi service, homework help, etc.  I'm sure I would not look aa put together, as prepared or as calm as so many of you. 


It takes a lot of effort to appear to do nothing.  It makes me happy to "do nothing" every day for the seven people I love more than anything in this world. 

Happy New Year! Twenty SLIMteen

I love New Year's Eve! Almost as much as I do Christmas. It brings excitement, hope for change and a renewed spirit. I set goals...not crazy goals but things I want to do better or to learn. I set several goals to reach by years' end and then smaller goals to reach each month. I usually do okay following these until about August when life starts to get so crazy I go on "Survival Mode" for a few months, then regroup again around New Years.

This year my husband and I decided it's the year we will do some big things for us and our family. Others may not think they're big things but to us they're huge...hopefully we'll feel much relief and happiness in our new found "freedom" and joy of giving more.  I was talking to my kiddos about finding a catch phrase or name for the year that fits our line of thinking and goals. After many ideas that brought giggles from some and groans from others, we decided this will the year Twenty SLIMteen. We are slimming our wallet, budget and debt by following the Dave Ramsey Plan to get out of debt with more focus and stronger intensity. We've done okay with this the past year but there's always room for improvement. We hope to be able to do more with our family and to give more to others.

We are also planning to slim our clutter in hopes of finishing the basement for more kid parties and fun. We have a hopping house on a normal day, but when kids come over the happy noise increases and our unfinished basement would be even more fun and warm to hang out in with some carpet on the floor. :)

Most importantly, we are slimming our waistlines to just be healthier so we can  continue to keep up with our busy, involved kids. This was my idea so I told my sweet husband that this is what we're doing. Since I do most of the cooking, he pretty much has to go along with it anyway, right? The whole family will benefit from this one! 

I want to learn so much and I get so excited to do it all! I want to learn to spin pottery, how to tap dance...I'll do this one in my garage with all doors closed though. :)  No one wants to see that-or maybe I don't want anyone to watch me trip over my own two feet all the time.
 
Set goals, make it fun. Set fun goals....after you reach a small goal...go have some fun and enjoy your accomplishment!

One of my favorite quotes about goals is this; "An unwritten goal is just wishful thinking."  Write those goals or hopes down so it won't just be wishful thinking!

Have a Happy New Year doing exciting, fun things and bringing joy to your life. 

6 THINGS RUNNING FOR MAYOR TAUGHT US

In early June my husband, Jim, received a couple phone calls and emails asking him to run for mayor of our village. After a month of research, talking to the people that know what it entails and talking with our family, he decided to get his name on the ballot. With the election behind us by a week, I thought I'd write about what we learned along the way. Some stuff we expected to learn, some we knew and some surprised us.

1.  WE HAVE FRIENDS WE DIDN'T EVEN KNOW
     You think you know who your friends are but after putting our necks out there you find you have more than you know. (I say "our necks" and not just Jim's neck. You'll see why later.) There are days I need to work at/from home and not leave; as everyone does at times I sometimes feel lonely, like I don't have a friend I can call and say, "hey! You wanna go grab lunch with me?"  Have your husband run for Mayor and you'll find you have so many more friends that you ever thought.  I've been stopped in our town shops, in neighboring towns and stores, I've gotten more calls, emails from people asking how we're doing or how we're holding up through a very busy season. 
     As a way to get out to meet other people Jim decided to have a bbq in other neighborhoods.  Food always brings people together, right? At one of these bbqs one new friend came up to me, introduced himself and asked with all sincerity, "Are people being nice to you and your family?" This gentleman hadn't met me in person yet and was genuinely concerned for our family's well being. This kind of thing happened often and every time it touched my heart. The kindness and friendship our family was shown was at times overwhelming (in a very good way).

2. I'M NOT THE ONLY ONE THAT ENJOYS "PEOPLE WATCHING."  
     When my kids were little we'd go to the mall and while my kids would spend energy in the play area, I'd watch people walk around,talk to others, help others. It's not like a creepy stalker  stare :)  I just enjoy watching people in different seasons of life and either remember "those days" or look forward to our next season. So many times I would be having a conversation with someone I knew and a new friend would walk up to us. I'd introduce myself and the one I was talking to would say, "her kids are so...." they'd always say something good. WHEW! Or they'd say, "she does...." "her husband is...." again..more good stuff. People do watch and are aware  of what we do, say and the choices we make. As you watch people, I promise at some point someone will watch you and the choices you make. Always be kind. Always have compassion for those around you. Long ago, I saw a poster on a teacher's wall that read, "Character is defined by the choices you make when you think no one is watching." Jim's whole family put their necks out there. People let us know they saw choices the kids, Jim or myself we made. It was a great thing for the kids to learn and realize that people watch them, they take notice when a 16 yr old boy holds the door for older ladies. It was great for all of us to learn and realize we can make a difference simply by the choices we make.

3. THE NEWS ISN'T ALWAYS RIGHT
We knew this, I think we all do. They want to be the first to report "Breaking News." Well, even during an election the news can and does get it wrong. Our Village is divided  between two counties. Jim won the race in one county and lost in the other. Combined numbers numbers show that "unofficially" Jim lost by 45 votes. Every news channel and one local newspaper got it wrong. They checked only one county. They don't care, it's reported, over and done. However, it's a week later and we're still explaining that the news screwed up. They got it reported fast-maybe even first, but they failed to check all their sources and information. We would never be angry, hurt or upset at anyone for asking or saying Congratulations. Though, we do feel bad for them when we explain the situation and they immediately apologize for saying anything. It's really no big deal and no one should feel bad. This isn't the end of the world. It's the end of one adventure before another new, fun adventure starts. I've thought a lot this week of my dad's advice he shared with me the night before I started high school,(he was a man of few words and what he said was always worth listening to) "Believe half you hear and half you see, a better person you will be." So...don't believe everything you hear on the news. There's a  chance they don't have all the info. This was not something that we learned, but it was the first time we've experienced it first hand.

4. ABSENTEE AND PROVISIONAL BALLOTS--who knew??!
     When Jim saw the poll results on the Board of Elections websites, he noticed that Absentee and Provisional ballots hadn't been tallied. This caused us to do some research. This was interesting and exciting research! Our oldest daughter is working in Texas and submitted an Absentee ballot. We called her to see what her instruction letter said with her ballot. "Absentee ballots must be post marked the day before the election (Nov 2, 2015) and delivered to the BOE by Nov 13." We then checked the website and googled when they'd be counted. We learned that the final count will be shared by November 24. We had no idea what a Provisional ballot was. It's a ballot that needs verified...someone moved, driver's license wasn't updated, need to show proof of residence or there was an error in locating their name in the voter sign in. They have 10 days to prove they live where they said they did. This year our precincts used Ipads to sign in. A few friends told me they couldn't be found electronically and then submitted a Provisional ballot. They haven't moved, have voted for years, etc. So..what's this mean for the Mayor race? The results say, "unofficial results" because all ballots haven't been received or counted. Jim can still win the election, we need to wait until Nov 24 for the "official results" to be posted. We don't know how great or slim his chances are because we have no idea how many ballots were submitted absentee or provisional. Though Jim was told last night that our Police Department Levy won by Provisional ballots a couple years ago. It's not over until every vote is counted and every voice is heard and when the website says, "Official results."  

5. PEOPLE WILL SURPRISE YOU...ALWAYS!
     I don't want to expand on this very much but it's true. People will surprise you...even if you think people can't surprise you...yes they will.  Sometimes in good ways and sometimes in surprising or shocking ways. Win or lose (in life, a game or even an election), be classy, be kind, be respectful. 


6. ENJOY THE RIDE
     My brother has a motto for his band and their followers, "Enjoy The Ride." This too has been my motto for most of my life, though not in those exact words. I would often reevaluate where I was in life...Am I enjoying my journey? Is this a fun adventure? Am I on MY right journey, path or "ride"? Jim and I were talking before  Election day and I asked him if he had fun running his campaign. He smiled and said, "I really did! It was fun meeting so many folks in our community. We made new friends, we learned a lot and we kept it clean and positive. Yes...I had a great time." I did too. I waited for his answer before I shared mine. Was it stressful at times? yes. Was it expensive? yes. Was it a waste of time? No. Did we do good? Yes! Did we enjoy the ride? Two thumbs up YES! Jim said, "whether or not the official results show a win or loss for me, I think I won." Yes. Yes he did!  ....we all did.

 

Until we meet again.

This morning the world lost a very kind man that always put his family first and taught them by example. Heaven, I'm sure got even happier.
       My grandpa was a good man that I always knew loved me. My mom was married, had 2 kids, after 13 years divorced our biological father and a few years later married the man that adopted us and raised us as his own. He was 21, my mom 32. I'm sure, as his dad, it wasn't easy to accept this and to welcome 2 grandkids that were older than his other grandkids he'd known since their birth. I've been thinking a lot about grandpa the past few weeks, not knowing of his declining health and kept brushing away the thoughts to call him and say hi. What I've been thinking about is the way he loved his family and how devoted he was to my grandma and the similarities between my grandpa and my dad. There are so many and I'm so touched by many of these similarities.
       My grandpa told me yesterday between pained breaths and a very weak, quiet voice that grandma is 88 and he was 83. I'd forgotten he was younger than she was. A few similarites are these: Grandpa married a divorced woman with 3 children, he was younger than she was, he adopted those 3 kids and raised them as his own, he worked hard to provide for his family. My dad married mom, adopted us, raised us and worked hard for us and fearlessly protected us. I think those are the similarities that struck me the hardest as I sat holding my grandpa's hand yesterday.
I believe I have the life I have in large part due to my grandpa. My mom had a very different social life than she did before she met my dad and grandparents. He raised a boy that would follow his example and do his best to give us a good life and make sure we did better than he did. He raised a boy that valued education so much so that attending college was an expectation, not a choice. He taught my dad how to treat his wife, love her children, work hard and to always put his family first. He helped my mom and dad find God.
       My dad loved my grandpa so much that when he was little, he once put ketchup on his hair to try to dye it red so he could be just like grandpa. The red didn't stay very long but it did give him his life long nickname of "Rusty."
Because of my grandpa I married a man that feels, loves, protects and works just like he did and like his son did. Because of my grandpa (and several others in our family) I have a respect for our military service men and women. Because of grandpa my family and extended family is better for having him in our lives.
       Grandpa is the 4th close relative I've lost in October. (mom, dad, my Uncle Jim and now grandpa Bell) I still love the month of October. My mom hated it because it was a reminder of people she'd lost. I choose to stay positive and happy about this season...season in nature and season in life.
As the trees lose their leaves this month, I'm reminded of the loved ones I've lost. However, I'm also reminded as I hear kids' laughter fill the air while they jump in those fallen leaves, that each fallen leaf is a blessing and adds to the joy they've given both on the trees and off, just as all those that have gone before me. Their lives and those memories are a blessing to be celebrated and remembered.

RIP Grandpa Bell. We love you and thank you for being the man you were.