Who's the Enforcer here?

I hope people will respond to this blog post because I really would love to hear what others do because we can all learn from one another. How do you set rules in your family? How do you enforce those rules in your family?

We learn as we go and when we find a new "rule" that needs implemented, we involve the kids. I am a firm believer that if kids feel like they're involved and can own part of a decision they will honor it a bit better. We have the kids help plan vacation, they'll enjoy it more, we all do stuff we want to do and no one complains. Win-Win-Win!  Rules work kind of the same way here, we set rules and have kids help find a consequence that they feel is fair and fits the "crime". My problem is the enforcing of those rules. I really really really hate being the bad cop. My oldest son tells me there are two things I say that he "hates" to hear, "Don't make me be this mom" after I enforce an unpleasant rule. The other will be saved for another post...maybe. :)  We have had conversations with our kids about who they think is the softer parent or who do they go to if they want to do something. Those are always interesting and usually funny conversations.

Here's how it works in our house, though it doesn't always go the way we plan.
We have a rule for grades that needs to be enforced with some kids more than others. The rule is: If you're truly doing the very best you can in each class and a C or D is the very BEST you can do, then we will accept that. However, if you have a  C or D and it's because of missing homework assignments, because you're not paying attention in class or not studying for tests, then that's not okay.  If you get an F, you lose all privileges until that comes up. We meet with each child that may need help and some encouragement keeping grades up. We have different consequences for each child. Each child is different and one consequence may mean something to one and nothing to another. Taking TV away from a child that doesn't watch TV is a wasted consequence.

Last night is the reason for this blog post and question. I was talking to our 16 yr old son about school and told him I'd not been on Progressbook in awhile, would he mind if I checked his grades now. (In other words, now is the time to tell me if you know of any bad grades) He says, Nope. Go ahead. I'm expecting As and Bs but I saw two high Ds. uh-oh! Every grade the teachers had entered were 87 or higher EXCEPT for two missing assignments in both classes. ouch! Those few missing assignments really do hurt a grade. Remember, THIS was no okay.  I reminded him of the rule he helped come up with: For every class that drops below a B he loses one thing per class. If he has D or F he flat out loses driving privileges (which I hate because it ends up being my punishment too). I tell him, absolutely NO Netflix until these things are turned in. Period. (We are currently watching Blue Bloods together.) You can drive to and from school and that's it. If they're not turned in by Friday, you lose the car all weekend. "Aw seriously?" Yep. I then send him to his dad, aka my sweet, wise husband, for back up.  Our son bounces back into the kitchen and announces, "Dad said I was okay to watch one episode tonight as long as he sees me writing up my current event I missed."  I not but think, "Houston, we have a problem!" Son runs off to get ready to do homework and my husband comes in the kitchen. "Hey babe. I love you."  Seeing the humor in this, I can't resist messing with him. "I love you too.  So my big strong man how'd your chat with our son go?"  My husband, "uh, yeah...I think I messed up a little. Can we fix it?" By this he meant, can I fix it.  I teased him about caving and being a big softie and went back to what we were doing. A bit later, our son walks back in the kitchen and I start fixing it, "Your dad and I agree (united front, right?), that you can watch ONE episode while you write up your current event HOWEVER, if those 2 missing assignments are not turned tomorrow and grades aren't up by Friday, you lose everything over the weekend...every.thing. phone, tv, car...got it? Then I say the first thing he hates to hear, "And please do it so I don't have to be mean. I hate being that mom."  He stops what he's doing, smiles and says, "It's okay mom. I think you're a Superhero." Awww... (my heart melted a little) So, he gets it. I hate enforcing the rules we all set but he also knows I'm doing it because that's my job and I love him. 

So, back to my question...How do you set rules in your family and bigger question...how do you enforce those rules? Who do you think is the enforcer in your family?  And my hat goes off to all the single parents that are the good cop and bad cop. Being just one of those is tough, but to do both and at the same time......you're amazing!