In my "about me" part of this blog I wrote "many days I don't know how I do what I do. I just wing it with a smile on my face." This is about 70% true and as my kids grow up, graduate and leave home I learn how to do it a bit better. Or at least I hope I do it better.
New moms-to-be often get unsolicited advice from everyone they see and some they don't even know. New moms are given words of advice and sometimes bitter judgments. Today I was given advice from a sweet lady about what sunscreen will protect my kiddos best. Rather than stop her and tell her "I know" I let her share her advice and after, I thanked her for her help and we started to walk around to check out the other side of the display and she instantly apologized. "I'm so sorry. That was unsolicited advice that you probably didn't even want." I said, "Please don't apologize. I appreciate you helping me keep my kids safe." I get less advice these days. I noticed this a couple months ago when it hit me that I'm starting a new "season" in life. My kids are more independent, I go the park and can sit and read a book, go to the pool and don't have to get in to teach kids how to swim. It's a bittersweet season but more sweet than bitter.
When my kids were little I'd watch other moms around me and paid attention to how they communicate with their children, how they'd teach their kids, how they played with--or didn't play with their kids. I remember once when my oldest was a baby, I'd taken her to the park to go swing. I'd been watching and chatting with this mom of a couple toddlers. She was pushing her son on the swing and her daughter started to run in front of the swing. Seeing what was about to happen this mom grabbed the swinging child and jerked the swing to a stop. As soon as it was stopped, she went to the running child and started yelling at her, tears from the little girl started and the swinging boy started crying. They both thought they were in trouble. I decided then that I didn't want to be a yelling mom. I'd hoped I'd be able to more calmly react to many situations. I'm not saying I don't yell. I think we all do or have at one time or another. Yelling or slamming doors make my hair stand on end much like fingernails on the chalkboard do to many people. But I do make an effort to not raise my voice out of anger.
One of the benefits of being the younger sister is being able to watch and learn from my brother and his wife. My sister-in-law is one of the best moms I've ever known. She's always so patient, tender and makes time for her kids. We had gone down for a weekend visit for some kid/cousin time. While we watched all the kids play I asked how she keeps the communication lines open with the kids. She simply said, "listen when they talk. Even when it's hard." Just after she said that my 4 year old came in to tell me all about the funny thing my brother had done. We had just watched this happen and were laughing about it too. I was shaking my head yes but kept taking peeks over her shoulder to see what else was going on outside. As I was doing this, my sister-in-law pokes my arm, nods toward my daughter and mouths, "even when it's hard." I realized that I'd only partially been listening to my sweet, giggling little girl. My sister-in-law's answer was short but some of the best advice I've ever heard and am so glad I have followed her advice.
I was reminded of this advice today when my oldest daughter called me. She's attending college 1800 miles away and we don't talk as often as we used to be able to. I answer and without saying hello, she starts in with "Hey. I'm walking to the store so I thought I'd call you...like I always do when I go grocery shopping." She filled me in on her life. We laughed as she shared funny stories, we planned her part of father's day fun and I offered advice when she asked. I love that she calls me when she's walking to the grocery store and that she didn't ask if I had time to talk because she knows I will always make the time to talk.
I think all of our kids know that, or I hope they do. When they come home from school I hear each one of them yell for me as they walk in the door. Sometimes it's letting me know they're home, other times it's, "GUESS what?" I'm glad I can be there for them and that they know they are my first priority.
Take time to listen to the advice we're given from those that are close to us. If I didn't listen to advice I'd been given as mom-to-be, a new mom or learning as I grow up mom, I think I'd know what I'm doing about 10% of the time.
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