Music. The Language we all understand

As I turned the key over in my Suburban today I heard Stevie Wonder blasting from the speakers. It was then that I remembered my 14 year old son had informed me that he found his Stevie Wonder CD, then he exclaims, "I love him!" He and Jim had listened to it on the way home last night. Had my neighbors noticed that I was just sitting in my driveway smiling while I let the music take me down sweet memory lane, they'd have thought I was a bit crazy. Each memory came with the sweetest feeling. I finally put the car in gear and backed out the driveway while I sang along with Stevie Wonder.

When Stevie started singing his song Sir Duke, I was reminded of a question my brother asked on his facebook page."What Inspires you?"  My serious answer was this: music, art, bright colors, a good book, nature...and Stevie Wonder. Here's a man that hasn't been able to see since early childhood and doesn't let it hold him back. I know in much of his music he uses synthesizers and keyboards with extra sounds but the next time you hear a song of his, try to pick out just the piano he's playing. That is inspiring!! If he can play like that, write the music he does and put on concerts then what's holding us back from doing what we love and want to do? Here are the lyrics to Sir Duke that inspired today's post:

 Music is a world within itself

With a language we all understand

With an equal opportunity

For all to sing, dance and clap their hands

It's true. Music is the language we all understand. Kids are taught the alphabet with music. My teenagers have been taught math through music. They love this high school math teacher because he's not afraid to be silly and make up songs about Slope, Rise over Run or the Volume of a Cone. I'm the  children's chorister at church. I teach about prayer, Jesus, loving others, the 10 commandments...through music. If my kids are stumped with something they're trying to memorize, I'll make up some silly ditty and they laugh at me, but they remember it next time. My absolute favorite part of the Disney movie UP is when they show the character's lives together. It's all little moments of their life, with absolutely no words. Just music. As I watch that part of the movie, I feel happy, sad, excited, I laugh and think "aw" all as I listen to the music and watch as their lives scroll before our eyes. Tom and Jerry cartoons do the same thing. We don't even need to watch as we listen to the music; we can understand how the cat or mouse are feeling or what's going on as we listen to the music. Stevie's right, music is something we all understand! 

Earlier today that I was feeling a bit proud of the fact that music fills our home and lives so much. We have several kids that play the piano, sing and a couple poke around with the guitar. The radio, Ipod, CDs are always going. Then tonight my 11 year old daughter was reading a book that referenced Simon and Garfunkel and she asked me who they were. My pride bubble popped pretty quickly. I started to sing some of their songs and she looked at me like I was from another planet! All the kids do know Carole King, James Taylor, The Beatles...how did Simon and Garfunkel slip through the cracks!??  I know what we'll be doing this weekend! I'll be sharing my happiness as we listen to music Jim and I grew up hearing.  I'm sure there will be laughter but probably not with us but at us as we sing and dance when we hear a song we loved as a kid. I might start with Paul Simon's 50 Ways to Leave Your Lover. Slip out the back Jack. Make a new plan Stan.... good stuff!!! Nate can count all the rhyming words.  Education and music make me so very happy!

Have a wonderful weekend. Make time to listen to something that makes you happy and share it with those you love. 

Advice worth following.

In my "about me" part of this blog I wrote "many days I don't know how I do what I do. I just wing it with a smile on my face." This is about 70% true and as my kids grow up, graduate and leave home I learn how to do it a bit better. Or at least I hope I do it better.

New moms-to-be often get unsolicited advice from everyone they see and some they don't even know. New moms are given words of advice and sometimes bitter judgments. Today I was given advice from a sweet lady about what sunscreen will protect my kiddos best. Rather than stop her and tell her "I know" I let her share her advice and after, I thanked her for her help and we started to walk around to check out the other side of the display and she instantly apologized. "I'm so sorry. That was unsolicited advice that you probably didn't even want." I said, "Please don't apologize. I appreciate you helping me keep my kids safe." I get less advice these days. I noticed this a couple months ago when it hit me that I'm starting a new "season" in life. My kids are more independent, I go the park and can sit and read a book, go to the pool and don't have to get in to teach kids how to swim. It's a bittersweet season but more sweet than bitter.

When my kids were little I'd watch other moms around me and paid  attention to how they communicate with their children, how they'd teach their kids, how they played with--or didn't play with their kids. I remember once when my oldest was a baby, I'd taken her to the park to go swing.  I'd been watching and chatting with this mom of a couple toddlers. She was pushing her son on the swing and her daughter started to run in front of the swing. Seeing what was about to happen this mom grabbed the swinging child and jerked the swing to a stop. As soon as it was stopped, she went to the running child and started yelling at her, tears from the little girl started and the swinging boy started crying. They both thought they were in trouble. I decided then that I didn't want to be a yelling mom. I'd hoped I'd be able to more calmly react to many situations. I'm not saying I don't yell. I think we all do or have at one time or another. Yelling or slamming doors make my hair stand on end much like fingernails on the chalkboard do to many people. But I do make an effort to not raise my voice out of anger.

One of the benefits of being the younger sister is being able to watch and learn from my brother and his wife. My sister-in-law is one of the best moms I've ever known. She's always so patient, tender and makes time for her kids. We had gone down for a weekend visit for some kid/cousin time. While we watched all the kids play I asked how she keeps the communication lines open with the kids. She simply said, "listen when they talk. Even when it's hard." Just after she said that my 4 year old came in to tell me all about the funny thing my brother had done. We had just watched this happen and were laughing about it too. I was shaking my head yes but kept taking peeks over her shoulder to see what else was going on outside. As I was doing this, my sister-in-law pokes my arm, nods toward my daughter and mouths, "even when it's hard."  I realized that I'd only partially been listening to my sweet, giggling little girl. My sister-in-law's answer was short but some of the best advice I've ever heard and am so glad I have followed her advice.

I was reminded of this advice today when my oldest daughter called me. She's attending college 1800 miles away and we don't talk as often as we used to be able to.  I answer and without saying hello, she starts in with "Hey. I'm walking to the store so I thought I'd call you...like I always do when I go grocery shopping." She filled me in on her life. We laughed as she shared funny stories, we planned her part of father's day fun and I offered advice when she asked.  I love that she calls me when she's walking to the grocery store and that she didn't ask if I had time to talk because she knows I will always make the time to talk.

I think all of our kids know that, or I hope they do. When they come home from school I hear each one of them yell for me as they walk in the door. Sometimes it's letting me know they're home, other times it's, "GUESS what?" I'm glad I can be there for them and that they know they are my first priority.

Take time to listen to the advice we're given from those that are close to us. If I didn't listen to advice I'd been given as mom-to-be, a new mom or learning as I grow up mom, I think I'd know what I'm doing about 10% of the time.

Farewell Dr. Merry

Maybe I should change the name of my blog to midnight blogger, since that seems to be when I give up and clear my head. It's also the only time that my house is silent and I can write uninterrupted.

This morning my husband called and told me one of his favorite college professors and mentor was killed in a horrific auto accident. She was the only one injured and the news said she was pronounced dead at the scene. That phone call shook me more than I'd expect it to. This professor was a female engineer, engineering is still predominantly a man's circle. She was a pioneer of sorts. Not only was she an engineer before so very many women but she was also a college professor who later became a Chair  of the College of Engineering at The Ohio State University. Though, she wasn't ever one of my professors, she touched my life and I'm so grateful to say that I knew her. She was a gracious, kind hearted woman that knew her students and wanted to have a connection with each of them. I heard so many stories from my husband about Dr. Merry. "She taught this, did you know she did...? She drives THE coolest red Porsche! She likes to ski!..." If I didn't know better, I'd think she was Jim's only Engineering Professor.  

Jim said the conversations today in his office were  people sharing their "Dr. Merry stories" When Jim shared His story, someone yelled "THAT was YOU!?" She always told us that she shared his story with her classes every year. Jim didn't really believe her until today.

Honestly, Jim should be writing this post since she was his professor and he was closer to her. But I love that though she never taught me in class, she always gave me a little, quick, soft  hug and asked about our kids and how my life was going. I had the privilege of meeting her several times at several engineering events Jim and his "plus one" was invited to. So, I do feel a bit like I'm infringing on his story but I'll share my side of His Story so it is kind of our story. :)

I was 9 days from my due date with our first baby and it was finals week for Jim. He was beyond stressed and tired.  It was  also before cell phones were easily affordable, so Jim had a pager. He worked full time and went to school full time and was home for about 7 hours a day. His rule for me was, "call the pager  ONLY if you're in labor, not 'please pick up milk  at the store.' " Good, can do. My rule for him was, "You must leave your pager on at all times." Good, can do.  

I worked as a secretary about 25 minutes away from campus and I drove our only car. (He rode a bike and I'd pick him up at the end of the day, have dinner and he'd then take the car to work.) Being a first time mom I didn't quite know what to expect with labor pains and when I started to get crampy and back aches I didn't think much of it. My boss was talking to me and she noticed I kept rubbing my stomach every few minutes. She gets me to the back room, puts my feet up and tells me to call the dr. "No. I'm sure it's nothing.  This feels nothing like the books say." I call the dr. anyway and he suggests I come in he thinks I'm in the early stages of labor. My boss panics, "YOU have the car! You can't drive!"  "No not today. Jim had to do a presentation in class and it was his only final." She tells me to call Jim right away, I hesitate because I know he was so worried about Dr. Merry's presentation. "She's a super nice lady but she's a tough professor. I need to do well on this."  Pain was getting a bit worse and I decide to use my 911 call on the pager. I hear this message: "This pager cannot be reached." WHAT?!?! I call every number I can to find the correct engineering building, secretary and FINALLY some poor guy  who is walking by the phone decided to pick it  up. He hears hears this young mom-to-be explaining the situation. "My husband is giving his final presentation in Dr. Merry's class. I don't know what room, can't remember the name of the class. I don't even know what building. He's studying Structural engineering. You think you can find him for me?"  Unlucky phone answerer: "Give me your number and I will call you if I can NOT find him but I'm pretty sure I know where he is. I'll race over and have him call you." I didn't hear back from him and didn't hear from Jim for another 20 minutes or so. At this point my sweet boss is in a complete panic while I'm still saying, "I'm sure I'm fine. Jim will be here sometime...today." 

Now I will flip to what I've heard Jim share as His story...and some of Dr. Merry's version as she told me later.  Before class Jim had talked to Dr. Merry and reminded her of the situation about his pregnant wife but that I had 9 days and the Dr. assured us the baby wouldn't come early. She would ask Jim all the time how his wife was doing and ask for baby updates. He was one of the few married engineering students, let alone a new father to be and he had orange hair. He was hard to forget. :)  Jim's name is called to do the presentation. He is about 5 minutes into his 20 or so minute presentation and this frazzled young kid opens the door and yells, "Is Jim Eudaily in here?!"   Um, Yeah.  "you're wife's in labor!"  Jim was so worried about his presentation and grade  that he  had turned off his pager so he wouldn't be distracted. (THIS was Dr. Merry's favorite part) "He continued to give his presentation as he's gathering his things!"  Finally Dr. Merry told Jim to, "Stop! Go! You did a good job. Get out of here!"  We had our first baby 10 days later after labor had been induced. 10 days earlier I'd had false labor but I was dialating and things were progressing, just not enough to stay at the hospital. Our first baby took her old sweet time coming but she certainly gave Dr. Merry a great story to share with every class before final exams for the past 20 years. OH! Jim got an A on his presentation.

Every time she saw me she'd ask, "how's Jim's presentation interruption doing?" "she's doing great." and I'd give a quick update on Kara and any other children we had. She'd always say, "Good for you!" when Jim would tell her we'd had another baby. 

Today as stories were being shared someone  said, "Jim, what's your Dr. Merry story." After he told it was when a younger coworker yelled, "THAT was YOU?! She always told us that she only gave one A for a presentation that wasn't completed and would tell us your story. She'd laugh every time!"

Dr. Merry didn't have children but I would think it's safe to say she probably felt like she had quite a few children that were also fortunate enough to be her students.

This is what was written in OSU's announcement of her retirement just over a year ago:

  "Her relationship with alumni and donors is remarkable and sincere.  Her calm and gentle demeanor has fostered significant long-lasting relationships both personal and professional."

Rest In Peace, Dr. Merry. Thank you for being you. You will be missed.