The benefits of being a Foster Family.

As Mother's Day has been approaching this week my thoughts have naturally been of my own mother but also about all the other mother's I've had and still have in my life. I've also been thinking about me as a young mother and the things I'd ask my oldest daughter to do compared to what I ask my now 7 yr old son to do.

 

Me, mom & dad 1975, my brother is behind the camera

My parents were foster parents for 9 or 10 years when I was growing up. I loved being involved  when I was a kid but it was years later that I gained full appreciation for that experience and the opportunity it gave me to grow as a future mom. The heart breaking moments were when I'd watch my mom cry for days over a foster child going back to their mom. Just because they weren't living with us anymore didn't mean she quit worrying and praying for them. These kids all grew to love her and call her mom. She treated them just like she did my brother and myself and they had the same expectations we had. I got to see how excited she was when a 12 year old girl moved in with us and she was reading at a second grade level. By the beginning of the school year this girl was reading at her appropriate grade level. My mom was so proud of this young girl, who was the same age I was. I think she was my favorite foster sister. Probably because I had a built in friend to always hang out with. We did argue like sisters but it always ended with an apology and laughter, usually strongly encouraged by mom. Had it not been for my parents fostering others' babies until they were ready to, I wouldn't have learned how to do the basic baby or child care. I learned how to calm down a crying baby, change diapers, the unpleasant job of washing cloth diapers, how to patiently solve children disputes, how to unconditionally love every child.

 

me with 2 foster brothers, I'm 9 or 10.  My brother was about to leave home and I was stepping into life as the oldest kid at home. 

me &  Tammy Welch, we are 12. She'd learned to read but we hadn't yet learned how to read a recipe box. Mom's birthday cake...fail! Mom told me years later dad was taking pieces of cake to work and throwing them away so we'd think it was being eaten. fortunately I've learned a thing or 2 since then.

By natural birth order, I'm the baby. I was reading the Birth Order book a few years ago. I initially read it as a mother, but then started reading it as a child. I found it a very interesting book. It says that after a four year gap, the next child will have the first born characteristics. Which explains why my brother and I have many typical first born personality traits. We are both protective of one another and our families, we are ambitious, if there's a problem in a situation--we are not afraid to find a solution and try it out. If there's something we want or need to do, we find a way to do it or get it done. Having foster siblings I was not only the baby of the family and after my brother moved out, I was the only child at home; I had the opportunity to be the oldest, only, youngest and middle child. As I read the Birth Order Book, it was so interesting to me how I could relate with each birth order and the "difficulties and successes" they can have in a family. Had it not been for my parents being foster parents I wouldn't have learned as much as I did in life, as a child, about parenting, about loving others and doing good in the world and not expecting anything in return.

 When my oldest daughter, Kara, was 7 she was the oldest of four babies. I relied on her to be my extra arms when I went someplace. "Kara can you push the stroller while I carry the car seat and diaperbag and hold so and so's hand?" She would always happily jump in line and push the stroller, she rarely complained about doing a chore for me or helping pick up toys her younger siblings threw around.  Nate, my now 7 year old son, has never pushed a stroller, helped change a diaper, entertained a younger sibling while I make dinner or get a quick shower. I love each of my children fiercely and just as much as I love the next one. I love different things about each one too. While Nate is the baby of the family, he does things that Kara didn't need to or have the opportunity to do. We were a young family and didn't have much money when she was little. Jim was still in college, we were still finding our way in life. She had 2 years with me 24/7. She doesn't remember those years but she didn't have to share me with anyone, ever. When Courtney, our second baby, came along Kara was so excited to share me and to have someone she got to love on, hold, feed and play with. Nate doesn't have the opportunity to love on a sweet new baby, but he does have to share me...all the time, with everyone. Kids learn to share when they're two or three. We had to find ways to teach Kara to do this with us. Nate was born sharing. He shares my time, my hugs, my conversations. He shares his life and time at baseball diamonds, high school musicals, jr high plays, elementary choir concerts, soccer fields. Now he's at the age that he's getting involved in things outside of our family. He's loving being a big kid and showing off for his family, "just like my big brother and sisters."

Kara 7, Court 5, Natalie 2 weeks, Hunter 16 months, Jim (29 but don't tell him I told ya!) 

 
 So on this mother's day, I think of my mom and all she taught me by example and by stopping what she's doing for a sweet teaching moment. I'm thankful they were foster parents. I have lost contact with all of our foster children, but loved each of them and would've defended them all just like they were my blood brothers and sisters. I feel fortunate having had a rare opportunity to  "safely" see firsthand the sadness some families have, the result of not having loving supportive parents. All of these things have helped me be the mother I am and the person I am today. I hope I honor and will continue to honor my parents by living the life I do and always trying my best to be the best mom, wife and person I can be. 

 Me with the last group of foster kids we had in our home. I was 13 or 14. I hesitated to post this picture as it was my awkward years. (I'm in the red shirt) But we all had them...and survived them!

 There is always something happy about every day.  I once had a very bad, hard day. I don't remember all that happened that day. I'm sure it involved not getting a moment alone, not getting a shower, having babies get sick on my shoulders. fussing kids,  I may not have even gotten to eat anything other than little kid leftovers because I didn't have time to make me something to eat, the next paycheck never came fast enough.  I do remember at the end of that day I told Jim, "I'm thankful for my microwave." THAT was my happy for the day. I had a microwave to warm a bottle for a crying baby, I had a microwave to thaw meat for dinner. There is always something to be happy about. I hope you find the happy in your life today. And think of the moms in your life...like our foster kids, they don't have to be your biological mom...there are all kinds of moms out there that have loved us and helped us become the people we are today.

I'll write a blog again this week, I've got lots to say. :)  Until then, I hope you find the happy and feel free to share it here or anywhere for others to see. Happiness is contagious!