God gave you a good brain...use it.

I started my 2nd year of college mom life and this week has been challenging.  I've been doubting myself, my mental capacity to recall ANYthing I learned in high school when it comes to algebra and quantitative reasoning. I'm feeling behind because I hadn't gotten my stuff gathered to be ready for the semester to start. Being a wife and mom come first. Always has, always will. Doing something for me is hard. Putting myself first is a challenge but one I need to learn to do because, the biggest reason I'm doing this is for my husband and kids.  

I called my sweet, patient husband a few times the past few days near tears....okay I was in tears this morning when I called for help. I've learned that I don't take his correction and advice as well as I should. I've learned that  believing the negative thoughts I have are easier than believing the positive things he tells me. I've learned that I need to follow my advice to my kids about tough times and "SIU," Suck It Up. After trying three times to solve a basic algabraic equation all my answers were wrong, I sent a text to my husband saying, "I wanna quit and it's only day TWO!" Then I texted, "I won't quit. I don't quit stuff, but I sure do want to." 

Why have I gone back to school? Why don't I give up, even when I want to? Because of my dad.  Not going to college was never an option when I was a kid. "God gave you a good brain and I expect you to use." My dad worked several jobs so my brother and I could attend college. My first go 'round, my grades weren't what they should be, I enjoyed college life...sometimes a bit too much. After two years of school,  with no Associates Degree earned, I decided to go home and work to save money to transfer to BYU in Provo. I was working 2 jobs when I met Jim. After a year of dating we got married and had a baby...and I put my education on hold to help Jim earn his degree and to be a mom full time.

As I prepared to start this school year, my parents have been on my mind a lot. I wish they were here to see what our lives have turned into. I wish they were here to enjoy all of their grandbabies. But since they aren't here, I find myself more determined to not give up and not quit school this go 'round in honor of them. My mom was a high school drop out, who later earned her GED. My dad was a high school trouble maker, who did graduate but didn't have the money or desire to go to college when he was younger. He did attend a community college after I had left home but he never earned his degree. He expected me to get a college education. I failed at that the first time. This time I'm going because I want to. I need to. I'm determined to get a degree. I will do it in honor of my mom and dad. 

While my dad isn't here to encourage me, tell me how great I am, how much I'm loved, how proud he is of me or that I'm his girl; Jim is and took that  spot 27 years ago. I wil improve to be more humble in asking for help and  will continue to improve in my acceptance of his help, his encouragement and belief in the positive things he says to me-about me. College isn't the only way to learn. Life offers an education too and I've got plenty of that to learn from while I pay for  BYU to teach me the book stuff.