College Quilts are a labor of love

Anyone who knows me knows that sewing is not my forte. I would rather touch a gross dead fish more than sew a piece of clothing. However, with my skill set I can sew a relatively straight line, so blankets, stockings and aprons are all I've successfully made.

I made this tree skirt that my goofy daughter is wearing--from a panel and that even took me more than 10 years to get to! I once tried to make a maternity dress with a friend...she did more of the project than I did and the dress still fit 3 pregnant Tiffany's in it. No lie!

So....7 years ago when I made Kara a quilt that the whole family help tie together, I failed to consider that the other kids may want a college comforter from mom. ( can't find a picture of my first college comforter but here are the other 2.

Natalie leaves for college in 6 days and I just started her quilt today.

My big last labor of love for each kid has been their college comforter. I take the kids shopping to choose their material, I put it together (which takes a bit of sewing to start), then put on quilt frames Jim made for me (ions ago), and then we all tie it. I will post more about quilt making in a bit...stay tuned...if ya want...it's a sweet memory I have of my great grandma Wetzel. We make memories, as we share memories. It's how we find joy in the adventure of life.

Wisdom discovered at Pentatonix Concert

My goal is to have this blog post be as inspiring as I found Rachel Platten at the Pentatonix concert last night. I was fortunate to be able to take my 2 youngest girls to their first concert.

 It was so fun to see the concert through their eyes. Both girls are  huge "music nerds." (honestly, all 6 of our  kids are.) So an A Capella concert was the perfect first concert for them. (Big thanks to Jim who heard they were coming to town before I did and scored some great seats!) It was a huge surprise when Rachel Platten's name showed up on the big screen because she wasn't listed as a performer. Naturally my girls freaked out because...well who doesn't love the messages she writes and shares with all who listen. Be Brave. Fight for--YOU. You Belong.

This was taken seconds after PTX took the stage. Natalie smiled the whole time.
I think Becca forgot to breathe for a minute or two. 

I love hearing backstories....of movies, books and songs. Rachel was my favorite part of the concert because while I realize she is a performer, she has mastered the ability to make you  feel like she is talking to you in a private setting. Sharing her struggles as a working mom, her struggles with self doubt and feeling like she was less than with 10,000 people that in the arena was one of the coolest things I've experienced.  She shared the story of her new release You Belong, written while she was still pregnant. How she wondered who's smile her daughter would have, who's hands would she have, and singing to her that no matter the mistakes she makes, "You Belong." As I sat there with my 2 youngest girls, one turning 16 that day, my eyes got a bit moist...it might be that as I age, I'm losing control of my tear ducts a bit or maybe because I loved that how she wrote what every mom and parent feels about their babies.

Though my favorite song she talked about and sang was Perfect For You. She said that it was a low point in her life when she was trying to get her career going and had multiple failed attempts and was low on money. All she heard were the negative things and started to believe those and the little voice in her head that told her she wasn't enough and  why keep trying. Then how one day she decided she'd had enough and that she had the ability to change her attitude and what she believed. She had talked about social media and how it's a staged perfect life everyone shares, we need to be vulnerable and show vulnerabitility to have real relationships/friendships and to get big love. This hit me hard because as an adult social media affects how I feel sometimes, I cannot imagine how hard it would be to deal with adolescent or  teenage stuff and then add social media pressures too.  Last spring I saw all these posts my friends were showing about softball games and crazy schedules, it made me feel sad and lonely because we are no longer in that season and our evenings are a bit calmer.   I see the posts about people who have lost so much weight and are now modeling, I see posts about a perfectly finished bedroom, lawn, or house and I found that those do affect my heart, my mood, my energy level. If it affects me, an adult that should be past peer pressure, self doubt, listening to that voice in our heads...how is it affecting our kids?

Why is it so hard to put real stuff out there? Why do we feel the need to share only the great, amazing stuff we do?  At my son's graduation party he made a poster board display of all his fails and labeled it, "Wall of Shame." It had things like a speeding ticket, a failed test, a bad hair color choice, pictures scars or scabs from bike wrecks, injuries from being so "out there" when playing a sport or just being a kid outside.  I will never forget his response when I asked why he felt the need to share this stuff. "Because at graduation parties everyone always shows their successes, their awards, honors cords and never the mistakes they made along the way. I find it refreshing and like I'm normal when I see that others had struggles too. So why not show mine?"  At 17, he was wide beyond his years.

So, in an effort to follow what I learned while listening to Rachel Platten at a PTX concert I will be living a more present, "real life" sharing all the good, bad and ugly my life has to offer. My social media viewing has been diminishing anyway, but after the concert, it will be dropping a lot more. My posts will be more positive, real and hopefully inspiring to others. I try to be positive and inspiring to those around me in general and I hope that on social media this effort will also shine through.

Find joy in your life adventure.

Ellen

Today is Easter and it's the perfect day for this post. As Christ was resurrected on the first Easter, He brought with him, along with so many amazing gifts, is eternal life and hope. Today I want to focus on hope. Hope that we too can be resurrected like Christ was, hope in the future, hope in our Savior and Heavenly Father, hope that we will one day be reunited with our loved ones that have passed from this life on earth, hope that we can go on and keep memories alive of those loved ones that have passed on.

I'm a lucky girl to have had 3 very best friends in my life. Of course, Jim is my first best best friend, but the one I'm writing about today is Ellen.  My best friend of nearly 26 years, will soon lose her 3rd battle with cancer.  It has been heartbreaking to hear and read weekly updates her husband and mom text me. Today Adam texted  that she will probably die today or tomorrow.  As I tried to text him words of comfort and send him my love via text, which felt so inadequate, I was so grateful I was texting because I don't think I could've used my voice at that point.

I don't have a sister but I imagine our relationship is similar to what it would be to have a sister. Ellen has taught me so much about life, faith, strength, love, compassion, determination, service and charity. The world is brighter, happier....better with her in it. She says I've helped her in so many ways, but I really think I got the better end of the friendship deal.  While I was visiting with her and her sweet family in late January, she looked at me with tears in her eyes and said, "I have faith in my Heavenly Father and in His plan for me and my family." I couldn't speak, tears rolled down my face as I realized my dear dear friend has accepted the fact that her time on earth is nearing it's end. Until that time, I was in denial. I kept thinking, "you kicked cancer before, you can do it again."

She won't beat cancer again. Cancer is winning. I'm mad and sad about it but knowing that our separation from Ellen will not be forever, gives me so much peace.  So, as the Easter season rolls to a close, I hope that you will find peace in your life, hope in the future and know that life is eternal and we will see our loved ones again one day.

God gave you a good brain...use it.

I started my 2nd year of college mom life and this week has been challenging.  I've been doubting myself, my mental capacity to recall ANYthing I learned in high school when it comes to algebra and quantitative reasoning. I'm feeling behind because I hadn't gotten my stuff gathered to be ready for the semester to start. Being a wife and mom come first. Always has, always will. Doing something for me is hard. Putting myself first is a challenge but one I need to learn to do because, the biggest reason I'm doing this is for my husband and kids.  

I called my sweet, patient husband a few times the past few days near tears....okay I was in tears this morning when I called for help. I've learned that I don't take his correction and advice as well as I should. I've learned that  believing the negative thoughts I have are easier than believing the positive things he tells me. I've learned that I need to follow my advice to my kids about tough times and "SIU," Suck It Up. After trying three times to solve a basic algabraic equation all my answers were wrong, I sent a text to my husband saying, "I wanna quit and it's only day TWO!" Then I texted, "I won't quit. I don't quit stuff, but I sure do want to." 

Why have I gone back to school? Why don't I give up, even when I want to? Because of my dad.  Not going to college was never an option when I was a kid. "God gave you a good brain and I expect you to use." My dad worked several jobs so my brother and I could attend college. My first go 'round, my grades weren't what they should be, I enjoyed college life...sometimes a bit too much. After two years of school,  with no Associates Degree earned, I decided to go home and work to save money to transfer to BYU in Provo. I was working 2 jobs when I met Jim. After a year of dating we got married and had a baby...and I put my education on hold to help Jim earn his degree and to be a mom full time.

As I prepared to start this school year, my parents have been on my mind a lot. I wish they were here to see what our lives have turned into. I wish they were here to enjoy all of their grandbabies. But since they aren't here, I find myself more determined to not give up and not quit school this go 'round in honor of them. My mom was a high school drop out, who later earned her GED. My dad was a high school trouble maker, who did graduate but didn't have the money or desire to go to college when he was younger. He did attend a community college after I had left home but he never earned his degree. He expected me to get a college education. I failed at that the first time. This time I'm going because I want to. I need to. I'm determined to get a degree. I will do it in honor of my mom and dad. 

While my dad isn't here to encourage me, tell me how great I am, how much I'm loved, how proud he is of me or that I'm his girl; Jim is and took that  spot 27 years ago. I wil improve to be more humble in asking for help and  will continue to improve in my acceptance of his help, his encouragement and belief in the positive things he says to me-about me. College isn't the only way to learn. Life offers an education too and I've got plenty of that to learn from while I pay for  BYU to teach me the book stuff. 

Being Grateful

We write for several reasons and today my reason for writing is to release stress and count my blessings.  This week...well actually, this whole month has been stressful and this post is for me. If anyone else can learn from this experience or be inspired in any way,  then I'm glad I wrote it for you to read. 

At Christmas we had three working cars. Starting the first week in January we went down one car per week. Our savings for a new kid's car also went down with each repair, until that savings account had very little left. The second week of January, college started for three of us.  The mom guilt I have had for me going back to school on top of these expenses was weighing so heavy on my heart and mind.

I'm a religious lady, not a fanatic by any means,  but I do have faith that our prayers are answered in a way we need them to be. I also believe the purpose of life is to learn, grow and do good until our time on earth is done.  Once I realized all I could learn from this situation I started to see a more clear picture and all the blessings or "luck" we were having. Being aware of  all the blessings I've seen in our lives makes these stresses seem so much easier to handle and manage. 

Every car that has or had issues could've had issues while we were going 80 miles per hour down the freeway. Our fairly new teenage driver could've been driving when some of these things happened. No car or people were injured through any situation. We easily found a car to replace Jim's old car. It wasn't the car we were going in to look at but this one is better and it's one that fits every need that we didn't even consider. We had no trouble getting financing or negotiating the price we needed to stay within....and we negotiated down $800 below blue book value even!  When I told Jim I'd been thinking about skipping a semester of school because the family needs me, my time, more acceptance of subbing jobs at school and our money. He said, "We had our own babies and you babysat, sold candles, avon and did a ton of other things to make ends meet while I was in school. It's my turn to do that for you. You will NOT put your education on hold again." I love his support and encouragement.    

I am a firm believer that if we are aware of our blessings and the good in our lives then the hard times we go through seem easier to handle or manage.  If I stop and think about all the money we've spent on cars that are either now dead or still needing repaired, I still feel overwhelmed. Though seeing all the good that's going on around me makes it seem manageable and I can enjoy the life I have. 

 I like the word adventure more than the word journey. Adventures are always fun things go on and a journey seems long and drawn out to me. So, find the good in life, be happy and enjoy your  adventure. 

Where has my silverware gone?

My mom had this drawer full of silverware. It was a long, skinny drawer that was so heavy sometimes it was a struggle to open it with one hand. This drawer had no silverware sorter and nothing in this drawer matched...ever. No fork had a match but she had 30 of them. It was the same for the spoons and knives. This drove me crazy every time I set the table. However, putting the clean silverware away was a breeze. Just open the drawer, dump it all in there and close it back up.

 When I was a kid I remember thinking, "when I grow up I will have all matching silverware and they'll be in a nice sorter thingy too."  For 25 years of marriage, I've managed to have all matching silverware. It's not fancy, it's just regular Oneida stuff but they don't make this design anymore.  So, now I have a dilemma. Do I go buy some to make up the number I need and have mixed silverware in the drawer OR do I go buy all new in the amount I want and have all new matching silverware in the drawer? My kids would say go buy new because they know they will get my hand me downs for college apartment living.

Two thoughts come to my mind. 1. How did we go from 12 forks to 7, 12 spoons to 4, yet the knives keep multiplying? I swear I have 20 or more butter knives. I wouldn't wonder where they've gone if my kids were still at the age that they were taking spoons to the sandbox or the forks to dig in dirt. But the youngest is now 10 and he doesn't have a sandbox anymore. Er, I mean, the neighborhood cats don't have a litterbox anymore, and 2. Why did mom's silverware drawer bug me so much, even as a kid?

When my mom was a single mom, she worked 2 jobs, she'd walk to both jobs so she could save money on gas and use it for food. I imagine my mom thought having a reason to even  have silverware was more important that what the designs looked like.  I'm sure she'd see forks at a yard sale and think, "3 forks for 50 cents! SCORE!"

I'm sure I'll drive my kids crazy with some things I do, but I haven't decided yet if I'll be driving them crazy with my silverware drawer. 

My parents ruined me.....for the better

As I sit at my computer, reading reviews of mechanics, crunching numbers to see the most econimical way to get the Suburban towed someplace I saw the date on my computer and tears started to flow. I realize now how badly my parents ruined me. (Keep reading, it's not a negative post! I promise!) I miss my parents every day and I think about them often. Days like today I really miss them. 

9 years ago today my dad died, 19 years and 4 days ago my mom died. Doesn't seem like it was that long ago for either one. I think about all the memories I have with them and then all the memories they've missed and the grandbabies they've missed seeing grow up. It strengthens my resolve to live a healthy life so I can hopefully be around to see my grandbabies and even great grandbabies grow. I was a daddy's girl and he made being the flashlight holder seem like the most important job to any mechanic. My mom made me feel like I could change the world and taught me that humor was the best medicine in any situation.(her viewing at the funeral home was proof of that. There was more laughter there than I've heard at some comedy clubs) I'd do anything to make her laugh. I loved to hear her contagious, loud, cackley laugh. 

As with all kids I joke that they ruined me in some ways. I'm a guilt driven person because that's how my mom rolled when she wanted something that she knew I'd want to say no to....like giving her a foot massage. GROSS!!! I talk fast, it's annoying to some-I know. When I talk slower, or normal for most, I feel like I'm talking too slow and boring people.  My mom loved evening shows and before VCRs where you could record shows, I had the commercial break to talk. You talk fast when you have a problem and have 3 minutes to get advice.  She ruined me by teaching me to be aware of others around me...all the time. They both taught me the value of education and the ability to learn anything we want or need in so many different ways.

 My dad never trusted a mechanic, ever. That's what got me this morning. I found myself needing to find a new mechanic because the one I had for 5 years has closed. Finding a mechanic, to me, is as difficult as finding a dr. My dad ruined me by teaching me enough that I can help diagnose a car problem, find a solution but not enough that I trust myself to do the work alone. If they were alive today I'd first ask my dad for car help and would beg to be his flashlight holder again. I'd get my rubber gloves out and rub my mom's feet. (I really did do this once just to get her to laugh.) And I'd thank them for ruining me. Because of them I will find a new mechanic today, have explained the problem in proper terms and with the knowledge I gained from my dad,I am more compassionate and have a heart that wants to help anyone and I've gone back to school at 47 with plans to graduate with my bachelors before I'm 50..and I've kicked myself for years for not doing it right when I was 20. Hindsight, you know, is 20/20. 

I hope I have ruined my kids the same way my parents ruined me. if you are fortunate enough to have your parents living, tell them you love them, hug them and thank them for ruining you in all the good ways.